learn how to pole dance

My father told me yesterday that I should try pole dancing on the weekends to make some extra money. The weird thing is that I wasn’t talking about needing any. I think he was kidding, especially since this is the same man who last week made a really hilarious joke about me dying.

I’m now hoping to uncover a long lost adoption letter proving I’m not actually related to him.

I found this place in the city that offers all sorts of pole dance classes, among other neat workshops, and I think it would be cool to know how to do this … although I am not sure why.

I got the idea after seeing an episode of “Dr. 90210” which depicted a few strippers post boob job working the pole. They said it was difficult to do, or at least in a sexy way, and yet they made it look easy. I love a challenge, although that might be an understatement in this case.

I envisioned myself attempting it and sexy was not the word that came to mind. Awkward – maybe – but not sexy. I’m also worried about the suggested attire. Because I have such distaste for my physical form, the idea of wearing “tight shorts and miniskirts” to a class terrifies me. Fuck. What am I saying? If I can’t handle that, how the hell am I going to straddle a pole in front of people? I need to get over it. I’m sure it would be a positive, confidence-building experience and it would be a good way to meet other women. I am really longing for at least one female friend. Besides, you never know when the future might call for moonlighting as a stripper, or whatever.

I’m also thinking that if I get good enough, I can convince my boyfriend to let me put up a pole in his basement (a space I’ve pretty much already commandeered) so I can charge his neighbors to watch my shows. Kidding.