I took some time to talk to this person. It’s not easy because she doesn’t want to speak most of the time. Her book is closed. Anyway I caught her at a weak moment and asked her why she thought she’d slipped backwards. She’s lost and sad, she’s without her love (married in their teens and together till he died 40 years later, just last year), winter has always caused a kind of depression and the last time she looked at her daily readings was 30th October. She tells me she’s lost her sponsor, that only one person who was at the clinic she attended has not lapsed (almost like she is amongst the larger body – IT’S NOT A GOOD THING). She says she wants to stop again but she’s making all kinds of reasonable remarks about how reasonable her drinking is.
I asked her if she’d consider me to be her sponsor. I have never had a drink problem, or a drug problem, as most people think of them but I am very addicted to nicotine and the last 7 years without it has been difficult. I don’t think it prepares me for the awfulness that her addiction at this time in her life is putting her through but it’s all I have to offer. Love, determination and a nod in the direction of experience. I know that really I should change the name of this thing to ‘help someone to stop drinking’ because I know that truly it is not in my power to stop her.
Unfortunately if she doesn’t stop herself she won’t be around for much longer. She is a very frail figure and this time last year weighed around 6 stone (84 lbs) due entirely to her drinking. She has got back over 7st but it’s not a huge leap of the imagination to watch her disappear in front of our very eyes. Her children miss her because she’s not really there. I wish she’d accept me as a sponsor. I’ll keep praying.