be less jealous

I’ve learned that most of my jealousy is about not feeling competent and strong. If I feel like I can do the things I want to and be the person I naturally am, I have no reason to feel bas when other people, including my partner, do what they want to do. So this is a big thing: I will have to take care of myself and I will naturally feel better about other people too. And then my relationships will also be better.

We’re currently staring to open up our relationship to be non-exclusive, and that’s a huge big thing for me. I’ll see how I’ll react when or if my partner has another partner or even a fling at some point. Then I’ll really know what state my mind and my jealousy centers are in… But this far, it’s looking good. At least the idea isn’t that threatening to me.

Oh, I am much less jealous right now than I used to be, thank you. But I’m not checking this as done before jealousy has stopped feeling like the black monster it still is to me.

I’ve made huge progress with this, but I don’t know when I’m going to be satisfied. I think I’m at a sort of a normal level right now: jealousy doesn’t really affect my life much any more in daily situations. But I think I want more security, more confidence in the fact I’m not going to be left behind at any point, or if I am, it’s nothing to panic about.

Relationships change over time, and while they sometimes hurt… I don’t want to live my life being afraid of the pain.

Oh, sometimes I’m not jealous at all. I know I have no reason to be, and I know I’m gorgeous, talented, loved, mature, and just simply the exact way I should be.

Then sometimes I’m sure my partner will jump at the first chance to cheat on me because I’m so fucking ordinary and he’s so popular, sexy etc., so why should he want to be with me? And it feels like everybody has something I don’t. The jealousy just seems to drown me…

This is definitely something to work on.