I wanted to leave this goal on my list for as long as it would take me to feel that I finally “get it”. And by this, I mean that sometimes I think I’m way ahead, when I’m really not. But the biggest indicator that I’m actually doing this, came 23 days ago.
R. left one morning. He left on December 26th, to be precise. It was painful, and awkward, and sad. And I didn’t hear from him for 3 weeks. And then it was even more awkward, and painful to revisit it. But after the first 9 days I woke up happy. I woke up feeling free, and with this feeling inside my heart, like I had all this space inside of me and that I could just hold the whole world in my heart. I felt good. And I realized then, that I really did ‘get it’.
Instead of letting an emotion destroy me, I acknowledged that I create my own happiness and my own satisfaction. I create my situation by choosing to interpret it in a painful way.
It’s never personal, and it’s never painful. It just is. And what you do with it, is up to you. There really is ‘no spoon’.
