get to know myself better

Something I find very interesting about this whole discovery is listening to different parts of myself and recognizing which voices come from where. Not in a schizophrenic sense, but some needs (for want of a better word) are far more physical, others emotional, others mental or spiritual etc.
I think I find it far too easy to listen to and give in to the physical demands, but they do not fulfill me as much as others. I fear that I am lazy and will not force myself, will not push myself as far as I should.
But only I can really do that! Others can inspire and partly motivate, but the will has to come from within.

The thing I never wanted to happen is happening. Somehow I knew it would – is that how I am able to keep breathing?
I am facing the fact that the person I love and have loved since I was young in all the ways you can love someone, has to leave me and his life to go and find himself. I am able to let him go (even though I have no choice in the matter I am amazed a part of me can smile for him); but I am having to live my worst fear – the thought of not being with him in any sense of the word.
Maybe he will come back; there is a part of me that is calm and believes in our love and is excited that now I can do all the things I wanted to but held myself back from doing for fear of losing him.
I am scared, calm, wanting to rip my heart out, hold myself close, run crazily wild around the streets, sobbing, wailing, smiling, slumped, broken, shining, lost, looking forward to finding more of me…