save my marriage

...and for the last few days, things between my wife and I, have been pretty good. My son is on vacation with grandma & grandpa right now, meaning, we are all alone. We had a great time together since he left, I woke her up when I got home from Friday night, and we had a drink and hung out together for a bit, then off to bed. We then slept in, went out to breakfast, and came back and totally rearranged the living room and made it an “adult” room. Granted, when our little man gets home, the toy will be back in action, but that is a-ok with me. I miss him when he goes away. He is back in another few days. Now, when I say things have been pretty good, I don’t mean we are all lovey-dovey, but I haven’t felt the uncomfortable silences that we had prior to Christmas. She didn’t have to work Saturday night, and we had an awesome time together. A very nice steak dinner, a few drinks, hanging out with our neighbour and landlord for a couple of hours, and then back home to have chocolate fondue. Sunday, leading up to NY Eve, we pretty much did nothing. Lounged, watched a movie, she took a nap, I played some video games, then I had to wake her to get ready for work. So a few buddies and I had some drinks and snacks, went down to the bar/restaurant where my wife and my one buddy’s girlfriend works, to meet them for midnight. Got myself a nice little kiss and a cheers and several big hugs. She had to go back to work after the countdown, but only for about anothre 35-40 minutes. All the staff at the restaurant got a free meal at the end of their shift. So, once she was done her dinner, we went home together. Had a few drinks and lounged out together until around 3:30am, and then we both conked out on the couch. I woke up and went to bed around 8am, she came and woke me around 10am or so, she wanted me to come back out to the living room, just so we could hang out together. Again, today was nothing but a lounge day. A few movies, she is a little hung over from last night, but she has already had a nap, and is going to go to sleep kind of early so she can wake up when I get home and we can hang out some more. I kind of feel that we are moving toward something more positive between us. And I really, really hope so. We have had such good time together since the 21st. No arguements, no disagreements, lots of good times. I miss my wife so much. And now; more then ever, I understand that I truly want her back. I miss her, and there have been times in the last two weeks where I really felt she missed me too. I don’t know what else to say here right now. I still have my doubts about her, us, and what is really going on, but these last two weeks have shown me how much I really care for her. And how terribly important she is to me. I guess I am going to continue to do what I can to show her that yes, I do love you, and hopefully, we can start to work things out.

So, nothing much new to report here. My wife had her ultrasound/consult appointment last week, and her procedure is tomorrow. I volunteered to take a vacation day, just so she had someone around afterwards, but she said her mom will be with her, and she only wants to be with her mom. She has to be out of the house before my little guy has to be at school, and I am not sure when she will be home. I have yet to do anything about talking to my wife on this matter, our future, or anything else really; as I have decided that it would be best to wait until she has her procedure and we can then see where we are at. Also, I had initially told her that we could wait until after her procedure, so there is no need to go back on that now.
Overall, I am still feeling pretty shitty about this whole situation, and I am feeling hard-pressed to believe that anything will ever be okay between us again. I am also really uncertain as to where things are going to end up between us. I guess only time will tell.

In regard to my last entry, I should make it clear that I have yet to speak with/confront my wife in regard to anything really, that I documented in that previous post. Should I step up to the plate; tell her about everything, and let her know that we need to talk? Should I again let sleeping dogs lie, and in turn, likely continue to be lied to? I really believe I cannot be any more supportive than I have been already, and the thought that she is not being entirely honest with me is making it increasingly harder to continue to give her this support and comfort. Honestly, there are times when it seems as though my help/support are the last things she wants, but there are other times when it feels as though this is all she wants. I want to help, but I just don’t want to be made to feel like a doormat/safety net anymore. I really want the honesty she said she felt she owed me. I want my wife back.
I guess then, until this happens, then we really aren’t going anywhere on this matter.

My marriage of just over two years is in pretty bad shape, and according to my wife, has been for some time. Personally, I never really thought things were really “troublesome” until this past June, when she met with her one of her old boyfriends, to set right some past wrongs, in her mind. Then about a week or so after our two year anniversary, she tells me she isn’t happy and cannot do this anymore. This was back in August, alot has happened since then.
We never seperated, no one moved out.
Instead, my wife began an affair, and is pregnant because of it.
She passed this tidbit along to me about two weeks ago, telling me she had made a mistake, and she wanted “us” back. She was telling me this so we could rebuild our relationship on honesty, and she had decided this before she knew she was pregnant, and had been trying to show me; through her actions, rather then her words. I guess I can kind of see how she was trying to show me this. She became more cuddly, snuggly, fun and friendly with me, in the 10 or so days leading up to her revelation. She says she is getting an abortion, and she will do anything to make this up to me, and will never, do anything, to hurt me again.
Now, I love my wife, although this has proved an unbelievable burden for me. I didn’t freak out, scream, yell, anything, I cried, I puked, and have since tried to be the most supportive and helpful I can be in light of this situation. When she told me this and everyting around it, this was the most sincere and truthful thing she had said to me in some time, and I really wanted to believe her. However, in the past two weeks, a great deal of distance seems to have come between us.
My wife has a nightmare with morning sickness, so far it has caused me to miss a full day of work (I offered); to ensure that both she and my son were cared for, as she was not up to it. I have also called in late (again, I offered), as she was uncertain whether she would make it to our sons’ school to pick him up at the end of the day. I have tried to stay on top of the housework, and have really asked nothing of her since she told me.
I asked if she was still speaking to the other person, she said no, however, I am not sure I really believe her. The phone is always busy when I call home, she acts surprized and puzzled when I make mention of times I have tried to call and gotten a busy signal. She will not go anywhere near her email or other “personal” sites if I am remotely close to the pc, and if she does, the IE history and temp internet files are always cleared. And the true topper, my wife made a trip to T.O., around her birthday, to celebrate with her best friend. I found out the person my wife was having the affair with was also in T.O. that weekend, and had hotel reservations. I accused my wife of cheating, and she came home telling me she is “only having an emotional affair” and isn’t fucking anyone. I felt bad, and in truth, I believed her. When she told me she was pregnant, she said she only did it once, after her birthday, because she was so mad. She didn’t clarify, but I knew she meant mad at me for “falsely” accusing her of cheating on me. So, I have felt bad about this, and kind of felt that my actions might have just pushed her to it. This was until yesterday that is. My wife kept our son home from school as he has a terrible cough, and we needed to get that looked at. I had a really bad night sleep wise the night prior, so my wife sent me back to bed, and took our son to the docs. I woke awhile after they had left, checked my email and went to watch the newest spiderman trailer on quicktime. In here I find a video, of my wife, naked, on a bed, in a hotel in T.O., covered only by a pillow, being filmed by the asshole she was having an affair with.
So now, now I feel like a total fool.
Not only is my wife continuing to lie to me, as she must be in contact with her “partner” to have gotten this video, as it was made on his phone. It hadn’t been kicking around our computer and I just stumbled upon it now, this is fresh. So clearly, her whole story is one big fucking lie. I had been right when I accused her of going to T.O. to consumate her affair, and that she was angry not for the way things went down, but rather with the fact that she got caught.
And yet, in spite of all of this,I am pretty sure that I want her back. However, I need her to start being honest with me, completely and utterly. If she really wants to rebuild our relationship on honesty, then so far, she has gone about it in a pretty shitty way. However, she drives me mad. I have never felt anything, remotely close for any other woman I have loved. It’s honestly like animal magnetism, I long to be with her so badly.
But now, now I just don’t know. Am I being played for a fool, yet again? Her ultrasound and consultation for the termination of the pregnancy is this Friday, & maybe she might feel inclined to speak with me more openly after this. I had told her in an email that I was really trying to understand how hard this was for her, and for her to try and understand how it is equally as hard for me, possibly harder. I told her that we didn’t need to talk about this until after the abortion, but now I wonder if that was the right thing. She told me before that by pressuring her for an answer, I had only driven her further away. I am afraid of doing more damage to our already fragile relationship, but I also think that I am deserving of the truth. I have only been honest with her, from the outset, and don’t feel I have been given the same in return.
Any suggestions?? Am I a fool?? Am I being walked all over??
Anyone been in a similar situation?? I am totally open for your thoughts on this.