Step out of my comfort zone

Attended another wedding in a neighboring state.

Took half the Immodium I usually would have for a daylong trip. A step towards eliminating my reliance on it when travelling.

Had brief moments of accepting that I might have to go to the bathroom in public; that’s a first step towards losing all anxiety about it. I ended up not needing to, which I was happy about.

Drove to a place I had never been before/didnt know how to get to.

Attended the ballet alone.

Took a science course with lab last summer.

Attended a big arena concert alone.

Spent a day and a half with a friend.

Slept over at a friend’s house.

Spent lots of time in a rural area.

Got a 2nd part-time job (though it is temp and I had been to the office before, and I knew almost everyone who worked there).

Had 6 inches cut off of my hair.

Spent a weekend in another state.

Did a wedding reading in front of nearly 130 people.

Went nearly two weeks without spending money.

Drove downtown at night alone.

Went someplace I did not know the exact location or specifics of and got successfully in and out of the place.

Walked downtown at late night alone.

Attended a DJ concert at a nightclub alone.

Did not ignore, brush off, or walk away from a guy that was flirting with me.

Walked downtwon at early morning alone.

Attended the incredibly packed opening of a hip new restaurant.

Ate pink hamburger.

Tried a new drink. (confirmed: I hate vodka)

Am currently taking a science course.

Am currently taking a correspondance course.

Since graduating college in ‘05, I have reduced my comfort zone to my house; to a lesser extent my workplace; and a little patch of desert in California that my father and I visit every year (my gparents live out there for part of the winter). The smaller one’s comfort zone becomes, the bigger and scarier the outside world becomes. This in turn makes one even more fearful of venturing outside the comfort zone, thus leading to a cycle of more fear and an ever-smaller comfort circle.

What is especially hard for me personally is that, at one time, my comfort zone spanned continents. Now it is reduced to a few mile radius.

I dont like having a comfort zone this small. I love to travel – or should I say, I used to love to travel, I like learning about things global, studying other cultures, etc. So I have this huge tension between what I really want, and what I actually have because I think its safe.

A global dream and desire, yet a pitifully local life.

No wonder contentment, satisfaction, and happiness elude me. I self-sabotage, push dreams further and further out, and just fill up with more fear, all in the name of “safety.” Where the world was once an invigorating and exciting place full of fun – even though I have always had some fears, that is only normal – it is now a place, in my mind, filled with danger, suffering, and destruction. People are violent, hurtful and judgmental, rather than peaceful, open and kind. Will the world ever be a friendly and fun place again?

Perhaps.

I need to slowly expand my comfort circle, little by little. A radical shift in my thoughts and beliefs is also necessary.

First place to start: getting a PT job that requires no resume and does not involve working with any family members.