Bring more joy into my life

close your eyes
clear your heart
let it go

I just saw this quote from one of Tiu’s thoughtful entries.

When I closed my eyes, cleared my heart, and let it go, all the grievances of the day melted away, and my heart filled with flowers.

I’ve been focusing only on the challenges in my life lately and not on the good. Most self-help and spiritual books talk about focusing on the positive and feeling grateful. I’ve been doing the opposite.

Lately, I’ve been feeling tremendously challenged in one area of work. And even as I write this I’m feeling all the frustration and anger that comes with it. I want to change my focus – onto what I want – but I’m only able to do it a little at a time. Maybe baby steps is the way to go. I know that when I overcome this particular challenge, my life is going to open up in ways that I can’t imagine right now.

Okay, baby steps.

I want to put more focus on this goal. It’s becoming clearer to me how much I truly want more joy in my life and how little there’s been. Joy is such an essential part of what makes life miraculous and I want to experience it fully.

I’m starting by giving myself treats whenever they strike me, and allowing myself to experience moments that make me happy. Truly experience them.

There was a moment in my yoga class where I felt distinctly separate from my body. I started thinking that if my soul chose this body and this life, then it’s a privilage to be experiencing whatever challenges are in front of me. It’s the rent my soul pays to experience this life. And whatever I’m going through right now, it’s still a marvelous life.

Every detour my path takes, I see another possibility to grow, another insight to add to my consciousness. It’s a privilage to be here.

I’m beginning to see that I deserve so much more than what I’ve been giving myself. I grew up believing that putting others first was the right way to live. But there has to be a balance. I have to be in the picture too, otherwise I feel unappreciated and unhappy. I think I’ve been off-balance for a long time and know it. I’m just now understanding that it’s okay and not selfish to make myself happy, give myself joy.

Right now I’m dipping my toes into joy and I like it. Eventually, I want to be able to immerse myself in it, knowing that it’s not only okay but the only way I’ll be able to genuinely give joy to others.

I’m beginning to clearly see that I don’t feel fully deserving of happiness or abundance. It’s a faint feeling that I’ve noticed before but never gave much thought to, I’d just push it away and keep walking. I don’t want to ignore it anymore because we ultimately live into what we feel we deserve. And if I feel unworthy of good and love, then my outer life is going to reflect this feeling.

Last night, I went through my mind trying to find reasons why I’m not deserving of joy and success, and I couldn’t come up with an answer. Nothing. But I’ve been living my life as if I didn’t, never questioning this belief.

The more I do question it, the stronger I feel. I do deserve a life filled with joy, love and success.

Today I’m going to Kensington Market and stroll the shops. There’s some terrific little restaurants offering authentic food from around the world. I think they’re having a pedestrian only day today. Love it when people take over the streets.

Really looking forward to this!

I’m looking forward to this weekend. I’ve decided to go for it and do all the things I’ve been wanting to do but putting off. Shopping, seeing the final Harry Potter movie, and visiting parts of the city I’ve not seen in a while. Basically, I’m going to go out and enjoy the heck out of my life.

Today I’m going to Buskerfest. I’ve been there the past few years and always have a great time. It’s fun seeing buskers from around the world. I think I’ll have an ice cream while I’m there too.