Do one thing each day that's new or scary

Accepting that where I am right now is where I should be is scary as all hell. And enjoying it is even harder. Slowly, I’m accepting and allowing myself to enjoy my life as it is, not as it should be. The “should be’s” are really the hopes and demands from outside of me. They’re not what’s genuinely inside my being: they don’t speak to me. When I try to live up to the “should’s” I get despondant, but radiating my true self awakens me. I will keep doing this one scary thing until it no longer scares me.

I finally finished reading the novel I wrote during NaNoWriMo. I stopped reading toward the end with only ten pages left. It’s been sitting on my table for weeks. I glance at it everyday; sometimes I pick it up and think about reading it and, always, I put it back on the table. I don’t understand why I was so blocked on reading it. A lot of what I wrote was much better than I expected; so it wasn’t the writing that stopped me. In reading the last 10 pages today, I found nothing painful or scary. My words, on paper.

I told the truth and said, “I don’t want to do it.” No excuses, no apologies. It felt good.

To be sure that I stay serious with this goal, I’ve decided to dedicate each month to a subject that I’ll spend time each day learning about; some have sub-topics for each week. This way, I’ll learn enough at the end of each month to feel competent. Sticking to one topic a month will keep me more focused than jumping around. I decided on these topics:

January – Quantum Mechanics
February – Art history [visual, theatre, music, dance – one for each week]
March – Architecture and design [buildings, furniture, media, fashion]
April – Geography [including history of countries]
May – History [Asia, Europe, South America, North America]
June – Philosophy & Religion [Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Catholicism]
July – World events [historical – what led up to now?]
August – Art month: paint, draw, doodle, dance, write capriciously, sing, and laugh!
September – Environment
October – Culinary life [cooking, wine, world food-customs, etiquette]
November – Politics [Canadian, American, European, Asian – including: historical & how it’s run]
December – Holidays of the world! Celebration!

I went onto SparkNotes and read up on history and physics. There’s so much information on the net. I’m going to spend 30 minutes each day educating myself on something I don’t know. Maybe I’ll have a theme each week like: architecture, physics, history. Yes, I like this.

I faced a thoroughly rude person today with compassion, and no traces of anger. It wasn’t personal; he was being himself.

I learned that the easier way can sometimes be the better way. Struggling for the answers may be admirable, but it’s not always what the Universe asks of us.

Also, I made cold calls for my research today. Scary. And I did it!

I made joyful conversation with a stranger in a store this morning. We were both shopping for Christmas cards and she asked me where I got the box that I was holding. Even though I was sure this was the last box, I pointed toward the pile that I found it in. Knowing she wouldn’t find anymore like it, I walked over and gave it to her. We then started talking about stocking up on cards for next year and which ones looked the best.

I don’t usually talk to strangers; it’s a habit carried over from being a shy child and living in a big city. But I always admire people who can spontaneously connect with anyone they meet. I’m glad I flowed this morning.

Oddly, after I gave this woman that last box of cards, I found another box of it lying on a shelf across the aisle. The Universe always gives us what we need.

The idea of challenging myself to learn something new or face a fear each day intrigues me. I love my “Aha” moments where something inside me clicks into place: it’s my soul lighting up. I’d like to do this everyday, starting today.