Mother and I were both in a good mood and I explained to her my dilemma with talking on the phone for hours. I told her that I talk and listen to people for a living. When I get home from doing that all day, I just want to hear silence and give myself a rest. I know that many people are extroverts and never seem to tire of talking but I’m an introvert. I need a break for my mental health. She said that her problem is that she is all by herself all day and is desperate to talk to someone by the time I get home. I defined my boundary that I don’t mind 10 or 15 minutes when I’m very tired but I do need for her not to be offended if I’m too tired to talk. It’s not personal. I’d rather talk for short periods more often than talk less often for longer periods. Let’s see how long this truce lasts.
truthsayer226 has written 9 entries about this goal
I don’t stay on the phone as much. I mainly want to stop feeling trapped at home due to the phone. I don’t like using the cell while driving. Too many people have died due to cell phones being used on the road.I just say I was getting ready to leave. I’ll call you when I return. If they get mad, I can’t stop that.
This is the first time she’s called me in over a week. I explained that after being on the phone an hour that 11:00 p.m. is my bedtime and I needed rest to work. She kept talking but she did say I know you have to go then she said let me tell you more one thing. In a pause for breath I repeated that I need to rest to work etc. I got off the phone at 11:20. The last story was a hook to keep me on the phone but I didn’t bite. I told her it would be easier for me if we talked for shorter periods of time more often instead of talking for hours every few days. I think that she thinks if she calls less it means she can talk longer. I’d prefer more often and shorter. I’ve just come to hate being on the phone for very long. Now I have to rinse and repeat ad infinitum.
The bad news is she called at 10:30 after we’d gone to bed and talked for 3 hours without breathing once. I got a few questions in. Mostly I said yeah and uh-huh. sigh.I can’t complain. I let her do it. I should have made a stand but after not hearing from her nearly 2 months, I realized how much I missed her. At least it was Friday night and I could sleep late. The next time we talk, I promise I will set up some rules.
But I find it oppressive that my mother expects me to stay on the phone with her 2 and 3 hours almost every day of the week. I love her and want to talk to her but it’s not fair that she wants to punish me for not doing things her way. I’m 47 years old for crying out loud! I have things to do other than talk. I miss her and want to find a way to work this out. I just am not giving in on this talking about nothing for hours though. It makes me resent her and that is not right either. My other friends respect my boundaries. Other than my mother, this goal is going great. Of course, she is the reason I wrote this goal. I know she is lonely but she needs to look for companionship other than me. She has alienated one sister with her behavior. On the verge of alienating one brother. One sister is so needy herself that this behavior doesn’t bother her. She likes being on the phone for long periods, too. Oh, well. I’ll just do the best I can. I’ll keep calling her. I may even send her an apology via email.
Doing very well with this. I think I made my mother angry because I cut our conversations down to an hour or less. But until I start feeling better and have more time, I give as much as I can to her or anyone without hurting myself. If I don’t take care of myself, I won’t be able to help anyone else.
Since I made the decision I don’t want to be on the phone so much, people have stopped taking up so much of my time on the phone. I even want to talk on the phone. this is a positive change and all it took was a little assertiveness.
I’ve just told people that I hate talking on the phone for a long time unless I particularly want to talk. I had one friend who talked longer than I wanted but she is such a lonely shy person I hated to push her away. She wasn’t asking too too much and I end the call when I got supper ready.
I have several people in my life who want to keep me on the phone listening to them for hours. It’s okay sometimes if I’m joining in but I hate just saying “yeah” or “uh huh!” for hours. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but I need a certain amount of silence every day to stay sane and happy. I mean without TV or music, too. Silence makes me feel as restored as if I’ve had 8 hours of sleep. There are days I’m so lonesome that long conversations are wonderful! There are days I feel like my willingness to listen is being abused. I’ve decided I’ve got to start making a stand over this. One person every few days okay but not several. Some days I might end up on the phone 5 or 6 hours with 2 or 3 different people! I love my friends and family dearly but I’m an introvert. My energy gets depleted after too much people contact. Extroverts are energized by long conversations. I’m not one of those people who can’t go to the grocery store without their cell phone. I like having some space. Even my husband realizes I need space every day and gives it to me. Man! I feel so guilty for wanting this! Part of my head says, “what if somebody needs me and I don’t want to talk?” I can’t imagine ever turning down someone in need even if I needed space. I tend to be selfless like that but I get taken advantage of way too often.
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