be a good girlfriend

The day before I left for Japan, a friend and I are talking and he admits he’d like to pursue a relationship with me. I’d known him for my entire senior year, I thought he was cool but I’d never thought of him that way, and since I was leaving the country, made no promises. When I returned he paid a 70 taxi fee for me to come stay with him for a few days. We seemed to hit it off somehow. Two months later, he’s helplessly in love with me. Maybe part of me knows he’s not “the one”, if there is such a thing, because I can feel myself pushing him away. I’ll start fights, critisize him, and even say things that if said to me, would sting. It doesn’t matter what I do though, he thinks I’m the one and will not have me pushing.

My goal is to try and be a better girlfriend. He’s done nothing for me to be so harsh, I don’t know why I can be so mean. I don’t want this to always be a problem, in every relationship.

WHAT IS THE DEAL?
It seems whenever I am attracted to a guy he is never attracted back! This is getting ridic, at least this one doesn’t hate vegetarians or the fact that I hate football, he hates it too! But he was supposed to text and pick me up, but he didn’t text, I embarrassed myself immensly and then he says he can’t take me out? Ridic, so I’m being forward, I told him i thought he was awesome but if he wasn’t interested to just tell me..
I’m waiting for the reply so I can down some more sleeping pills and be rid of all this nonsense.
I mean what is the deal? Is it he’s too young? I did everything right, i got his number, waiting a few days, we texted a good bit, didn’t bother him the next day, he texted me about the movies, we had a good time, he didn’t text for a day, when he did he said i was gorgeous then i asked him to text me to go out tonight, but he didn’t, i embarrassed myself now he’s replying saying he just got out of a relationship and he isn’t ready for another.
Fuck that shit.

Either this kid isn’t interested or is playing it smooth as hell, cause he’s got me on the brink something serious.
At my school I would see this ADORABLE guy who I smiled at nearly everytime I saw him, and he smiled back when he didn’t look exhausted.
So I found out his name and one day when walking in the same direction asked for his number which he instantly gave me!
So I waited a respectable two days and sent a text his way, we ended up texting for five hours!
The conversation ended with me telling him to text about the movie Sunday (this was a Friday) and he complied.
So Saturday I get nothing at all, so I figure when Sunday rolls around I’m just gonna be let down because I don’t hear from him.. until later that afternoon!
We set up movie plans for that night and then meet up, I was early and purchased my own ticket (looking hot as hell I might add) and upon sitting he puts the armrest down, turn off!
He also made no comment on my appearance.
Throughout the movie we laugh at eachothers witty remarks and he seems to find me entirely TOO funny :] we didn’t hold hands but towards the end he leaned his arms all on my shoulder.
We had a fun time and by the time I get home he’s texting again!
The next day we smile and say a quick hey in the halls but I got no text all day or even now. I had to distract myself all afternoon because of it.
he of course has no idea how frantic I am right now, he’s probably just going about his normal day oblivious, which is good. It means I’m playing the right way, making him come to me, but..
Smooth or not interested?

Things didn’t work out with the new guy.. he seemed to be losing interest, then I was told by a mutual friend he doesn’t want to commit, plus he would want a Christian, meat-eating girl who wants to talk about football.
Who knew?

Well it’s true, I met someone new. It’s still way too early to decide if he’s even my type but that’s what I like- I’m taking the time to make sure he is. It’s pretty clear we like eachother but we still need more bonding. Then maybe we’ll go on a few dates.. I’m taking this slowww..

I had a therapy session this past week and he’s determined that my lack of fatherhood has built up several problems for me. We came to the conclusion together that I possibly can’t make any of my relationships work because I’m looking for a guy with fatherly personality traits. I don’t mean that in a rlly freaky way, but I interpret that as maybe a guy who’s always available to listen, doesn’t dismiss my thoughts, tell me what i should or shouldn’t do. Give me guidance.
So I can’t be dating anymore not so independant guys who don’t give enough thought to what i want or what’s in my best interest, I need a guy who will tell me “no”.

I honestly think that the reason I cannot make a relationship work is all me: I can’t open up, I can’t show how I feel, I’ve been told I have issues like this and it’s ridic. Maybe it’s stupid, but as an Aquarius, it’s a common problem.
I think what I need is someone who has the patience to force me to open up, who won’t quit on me or let me quit on them.
Let’s be honest, I do all the quitting.

comes in the form of this kid. he’s great. all i did today was draw him a picture saying why i appriciated him and it made his day. i think that helps me in the quest to be a great gf. doing small things i mean.

and in the course of this five months i’ve cheated on him once, considered breaking up with him countless times for no real reasons, and have started little fights all over the place. it wasn’t until recently when we nearly broke up that i realized i love him- he clarified he didn’t love me yet- and that i don’t want to lose him. i’ve figured out the only way to do that is by not trying to make him jealous and not talk to other guys in a flirtatious way. i could even start doing more sweet things for him. he really is the greatest, sweetest, most considerate guy ever.