find my faith

i havent just let people tell me about god&jesus i’ve done my share of bible reading ,talking with thoughs affiliated with diffrent churches ,but i just havent got that sign or smack in the head that tells me that faith is the anwser,march of 2008 i attempted suicide but was pull from my garage and revived,i just could’nt take another falure it been one falure after another for my 45yr life and i was tierd,beaten and just could’nt face it anymore.In the emergency room they gave me a cell phone and my middle 20 yr old was on the other end bawling ,blaming himself and wondering what more he could do,that 20yr old man had just let me know what i about lost and how i was’nt even thing of them.then later in the hospital i started to reflex on all my falures (to me) and all the self inflicted pain and misery i put myself through and suddenly notice god was not an option i was using never ,every bad time ,i never called on god for help,guidence,no only to curse him when thinks went wrong.now i need help in knowing how to understand god i honestly believe he’s the single most factor missing in my life and i dont know how to get to him ,if anyone could help an45 yr old man PLEASE,PLEASE HELP