have faith

Why is having faith so difficult?

I would have given the world to pray at service last night but the synagogue here is super orthodox and women are not invited to the sunset service. This morning was a poor replacement. I felt a little hollow inside. Especially after my conversations with Roger and Donald last night.

As Donald’s trip approaches, I struggle less and more at the same time with the Katrina issue. I really wish I knew how to just put my life in G-d’s hands.

Is that having faith isn’t trusting blindly and it isn’t only trusting in G-d. It’s believing. Believing that things will work out, that your sister can make it through a rough patch, that your marriage can survive a few fights, that you can fulfill your dreams, that your friends will be there when you need help, and so on.

In my case, last night I was presented with a situation wherein I needed to have faith in my boyfriend and in our relationship.

And I found out that while I am improving in this goal, I have a long way to go. I cannot react on the fly to situations, and this held true last night as well. I need to think things over a little bit. I guess this isn’t having faith, just believing, but it is a far cry from where I once stood. Especially since this particular situation is so difficult for me, seeing as how it involves a friendship with his ex…and I’ve been cheated on in the past, so I just haven’t known how to deal with it. But once I could stop the conversation, think about things, maybe talk about them a little bit, it was much easier for me to just overlook the entire thing and have faith in the love that my boyfriend and I share.

So I did. And I’m much happier.
I still have alot of work to do on this goal, but I am glad that I was able to focus on having faith in this case. I have a long way to go with some other things, but I am very thankful to the L-rd for inspiring me to put everything aside and just believe in Donald, in our relationship, and in us this time.