make my living as an artist and writer

I was writing in my blog this morning and realized that, wonderful new job aside, I’m not satisfied. I still want to do this someday, and I’m starting to realize that it’s stupid to give up on this goal.

Several years ago I made the decision to cut my long hair because I thought it looked immature. I thought it was stupid for a woman my age to have hair hanging down to my waist, so I cut it very short, and almost immediately I regretted it.

A few years later I was thinking about the fact that, even though I was (and still am) happily married, I had a crush on an actor. I used that crush to write some very romantic things for several different manuscripts, and I was really pleased with the results, but I felt as if it was somehow immature of me to let myself feel this way and day dream this way. Almost immediately, the part of my brain that was still thinking correctly started screaming and waving its arms: the day I grow up so much that I can no longer daydream and write those daydreams, the day I can no longer imagine what it feels like to be in that first glorious crush of love, is the day I get nailed into a big ol’ pine box and put in the ground. I mean, what would be the point of going on, someone like me, if I couldn’t imagine things and write? Life would lose all its purpose.

So. Same point to be made here. The day I give up on this goal is the day they should just put me in the ground. Period. End of sentence.

It hurts to admit it, but I’ve grown too fond of things like driving, eating, and the occasional good book. Gave up and applied for a job with real people, doing real work, and getting a real paycheck every two weeks.

Oh the weakness! Oh the shame! Curse this body of mine! If I could only learn to do without food…

I was getting paid in things like Giants Baseball tickets and Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber treatments, I sh*t you not! It was just too stupid for words, so I dumped it and started helping my husband paint toy soldiers, which earns us a hell of a lot more money. At least this way I can still work on my creative stuff, while earning SOME money.

Doing design work for a web team – they really love my work, so they’re handing me more stuff. Got an invite to submit from the editor of a local magazine. Got a manuscript I’m working on.

Wow. This may be doable! I’m starting to actually get paid for my writing!!

:) eh

I was going to head straight off to grad school and get an MFA in Creative Writing, but I decided to take a year off to publish. I’ve already sold one short story, and I’m working on my portfolio. I have a conference to go to in August, and things are looking pretty good.