reinvent myself

“An unexamined life is not worth living.” – Socrates

My realization for the need of reinvention (in becoming the best version of me) began in perhaps one of the darkest hours of my life. In the darkness, I was awashed with fears, wounds, and confusion. I was in a state of complete disorientation: I couldn’t tell where I was, who I was, and why I was chained, and locked in an unidentifiable prison. My own worst enemy had brought me here, ME.

I thought I had loved myself enough, but I guess based on this assumption, and where I found myself, I was wrong. How long have I been betraying myself? I couldn’t tell then. I just shut my eyes, and cowered. In the silence, all I could hear was my rage brooding. Days turned into nights, nights into days – until it became one long span of time. How long has it been? A month, a year, a few years? But what is time when it is measure in such banal ways. It didn’t matter, I was enclosed within walls I couldn’t see, chains of which I couldn’t grasp. I was stuck.

(to be cont.)

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ^{Anais Nin}

It’s a slow process, a step at a time. Yet day by day, I’m one step closer to the ME I’m striving to be.

That’s all for today.

I need to heal from all the accumulated wounds that has kept me from growing into a better me. Letting go is easier said than done, and while I strive to not think of the past, in the late hours of the night, these lingering string of pains persist to haunt me. Perhaps, every morning I should take a long hard look into my eyes, draw out the inner me cowering behind all the self-doubts, and resolve to bring her out slowly. Perhaps, one fine morning not too far from today, I’ll wake up looking back at a stronger and radiant me. Carpe Diem!