Fall in love with a city and live there

The problem with this goal is that I tend to appreciate cities in retrospect. When I’m actually in a city, I don’t consciously think about loving it – I live here; it is, and I am. I think a more accurate description of what usually happens (at least in my case) is not falling in love with a city and living there but rather living in a city and falling in love with it.

I used to think I’d love to live in San Francisco, but now that I’ve moved to the East Bay, I’m having more trouble adjusting than I would’ve expected. On the surface, everything is great, but it just doesn’t feel like home yet. So I guess I thought I loved this city, but now I’m realizing that love, whether for a person or a place, is more of a process than an absolute or a given. I think I’ll love this city eventually, but right now I’m still learning this city – and not to mention learning myself.

I remember exactly when I began dreaming of San Francisco. I was applying to colleges during my senior year of high school, and I would listen to various California-themed songs while convincing myself that all my problems would go away if I got out of my hometown.

When I got the opportunity go to SF after my college graduation, I thought that surely it was “fate.” I mean, I didn’t even plan this—it just fell in my lap. So I went there. Found an apartment. Was ecstatic that my high hopes about the city didn’t disappoint me.

And then I turned chicken shit. And am now staying home…just for the year… But, to give me a little credit, it wasn’t San Fran itself that held me back, but because I would’ve hated the job that I was taking. I’m still trying to decide if the move I made (or didn’t make) was extremely wise or extremely stupid.