talk to myself like a friend instead of a critical bitch

i messed up. royally.

there was a set of things i needed to do for work before leaving for my cousin’s Hawaii wedding, and i did them—sort of. they were too late, with too many gaps to fill and my coworkers had to fill the gaps for me.

and i feel absolutely horrible. i don’t even know what i was thinking. my boss absolutely gave me the reaming i deserve via e-mail and… well, she stopped short of actually calling me an unprofessional, disrespectful and negligent human being, but the implication was that this is, in her words “the tip of the iceberg.” i didn’t know what to say. i mean… if i were actually that way, i probably wouldn’t be feeling the way i do right now (most guilt and remorse i’ve felt in an awfully long time), but i can’t help but wonder if there’s a grain of truth to it. i want to be fully professional, but for various reasons just can’t fully step up; i always find some way to sabotage myself.

i hate this. someone, anyone, words of encouragement? please?

i’ve finally worried myself physically sick. i can’t believe it took this long to happen, but it has. so now i’m finally taking action. wish me luck. gambare.

because my teaching evaluations are coming in. breathe…. breathe… breathe… one or 2 bad evals does not mean i’m an inherently and irreparably shitty teacher. why are you fixated on Nakayama’s bad one and not the fact that Asami is “always looking forward to Chris’ class”??