be nice to myself

I realized I have a bit of an addiction to self-help books. I’m always searching for ways to make myself ‘better’ (better-looking, a better cook, better at work, a better friend, etc etc). But in doing that, I’m telling myself that right now, I’m not good enough. That there’s something wrong with me that needs to be fixed. I’m tired of that constant striving. I’m fine as I am, dammit.

I won’t go as far as giving up or deleting my goals, but I definitely won’t be working very hard on most of them for a while.

Everything’s ok. You’ll be fine. Your body is not falling apart. Actually, it’s telling you to take care of yourself and stop being paranoid. Some creaking is normal, after all. You won’t shed your skin like a snake or get some disease with a funny name. Your skin is just freaking out because of the winter and the central heating and stress and everything.

You’ll enjoy the new place, you’ll see. Hey, you could walk to work every day again! There’s a gym nearby, several shops, the post office… You’ll find a place for all your stuff.

He cares about you enough to try to find a solution for both of you. You won’t end up killing each other. You won’t kill any members of his family but you may grumble and gripe in private. That’s what diaries and non-blabbing friends are for. You’re perfectly free to imagine all kinds of horrible deaths for some people. Anger only makes you a better runner, remember?

Everything is and will be great at work. You’re not going to die of hunger. You’ll get all your papers and things will be just peachy. You’ll throw a big party for the people you love and celebrate your birthday in style.

Relax. Breathe: in, out. Smile.

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I think I need to have this in front of my eyes at all times.

Note to self: it’s ok to go to bed at 10 pm if you’re getting up at 6 am. No, really, it’s ok, don’t feel like a dork.

Eating good food instead of crap because it makes me feel better and it’s good for me. Not setting strict rules and not beating myself up when I fail to follow them. Aiming for my “maintenance” daily calorie goal on most days, sometimes a bit less, sometimes a bit more. Being flexible. Working out, regularly, intensely, because it makes me feel all Hulk/WonderWoman super-confident and in love with my body. Running, because it clears my mind and keeps me happy (even when it’s a toil). Not stressing because I’m busy, but rearranging my day and/or my commitments so I’m not busy. I have all the time in the world, if I decide to take it.

(original entry here)