Just saw SARK read a love letter to herself. It started with “I love your emotional eating”. Hmm, this is a habit I am trying to avoid. If I said something like this, wouldn’t I just be identifying myself with a habit that isn’t the real me?
I’m imagining a real, better me underneath all the things I don’t like about me. Ugh. How to accept without condoning/reaffirming/perpetuating??
I may have been scared to accept because I didn’t know how to understand or even notice my moods first. Hmm.
Today I noticed my mood was down. I was angry and frustrated about my mood because my need for energy and meaningful progress wasn’t being met. I feel worried about noticing moods in the future because my needs for resolution and control are not being met. I am frustrated that one mood contains so many emotions; I need simplicity for action. I am frustrated that my personality needs action because I have a need for peace. I am confused whether it is nature or nurture that gives me the urge to act; either way, I am sad I can not seem to control it.
I have anxiety about myself. I am neurotic even a bit like the Woody Allen characters I like to laugh at. My worry about what others think always creeps up. My worry about my insufficiency or incompetence underlies lots of shyness and debilitating inability to stand up for what I think (no promotions if I keep on like this).