Let go of the past

especially when my past revisits the present. I have issues with my family of origin, and it hurts just as much now as it did then. My husband doesn’t understand why I’m still hurt over the things that happen, because it shouldn’t be a shock by now. I guess I wanted my family to see me as successful and be proud of me. However, that will never happen.

I don’t know why, but I had some bad memories pop into my head Valentine’s Day. I lived in a small town that had some blue-blood tendencies. However, I wasn’t blue-blooded. My parents didn’t own things in town. I was not a popular kid. In fact, I was the one that people made fun of. I just remember being horribly lonely. I had one friend. I was constantly told that I was ugly or would have people play very cruel practical jokes. Valentine’s Day was the worst. There would be activities for Valentine’s Day (flowers, telegrams, etc.). I remember waiting for one and hoping for a secret admirer. I never went to my proms.

What made it even worse was that teachers were also part of this. I wasn’t one of the “beautiful people”-so certain teachers slated me as never making it in life. I wasn’t strong or physically fit.

I started to get depressed when a thought suddenly popped into my head “Victim no more”. Then I stopped and realized, I have to be confident and for a long time, I have let those harmful and hurtful taunts in my head destroy me and define me. I’m away from that place now and have no plans of going back. The sad thing is that some of those people haven’t changed. They are still just as mean-spirited and gossipy as ever. Sometimes I wonder if the town I grew up in was a Hellmouth (LOL). It sure bred a lot of dysfunctional attitudes.

I quit my job for various reasons last year. Yet, I have people who still contact me to tell me what’s going on. I finally told people that I no longer work there and I left for good reasons. I want to redefine myself. I want to redefine myself on my terms-not what I have allowed people in my past to define me as being.

I am no longer looking back-I am taking the lessons I have learned in my past and I’m going to move forward.