Be the secure and powerful woman that God wants me to be instead of one constantly seeking validation for past wounds

Sometimes, I think that certain situations put us in a downward spiral mode- but whether we choose to remain there is a different story. It really hit me over Christmas that I have spent too much time carrying around baggage instead of just “being”. As I sat in a room with my parents (with whom I have a tenuous relationship with), the thought occured to me that it is what it is. At that moment, I realized to never expect anything more or anything less from them-just to see them as they are in that particular moment we sharply intersect and collide, but leave the past baggage at the door. It was very freeing. For the first time, I felt like the thirty-something year old woman as opposed to that child that wanted the approval of her parents. I asked God to help me move forward in 2009 instead of backwards. I want to face things head-on (like I used to) instead of regressing into this depressing puddle of insecurity that’s left wondering “What in the heck happened to me?”. Don’t get me wrong, I want to help others and I want to be liked, but I don’t want those desires to be a shield for my insecuritues and fears. I know in Life I’m going to get cut, I just don’t want to be cut so deep that it draws open old wounds.(Isn’t that everyone’s fears to some extent?)So here I go, holding God’s hand, until I decide to break free and run. I just hope He has the band-aids ready when I fall and skin my knees. :)

can you hear me now? Good. Please repair my mind. Sometimes in life when too many people play with your head, you get a little crazy and may do “stupid crazy” things. Hey, Father God, please hold my hand, and let me know that it’s okay to stand alone sometimes and not with the crowd like a pack of lemmings. You made me to be strong, yet people want to sometimes knock me down because I don’t fit their mold or idea of what a woman should be. You made me not only strong, but also strong-willed. I think I came a bit unwound there for a moment because I felt I had to “prove myself” in order for people to know where I’m coming from. Help me to stand alone and owe no one explanations of who I am. Help me to be still and know that You are God. Help me to “just be” and know that I’m okay, just the way You made me.