be happy with who I am

May help…I finally created a website That I have been wanting to.

It isn’t up yet (maybe tomorrow) but it is at http://www.borissaid.net

awesome huh?

Somehow this needs to incorporate physical well-being with emotional content and happiness. I’m on my way back to my in shape self. With the thought-organizing help of 43things, I think that I will gradually become more content and fulfilled with the completion of more goals. I have to be who I want to be and do things I want to do before I can truly be happy with who I am.

how do I know when I’m done improving myself, so that I will know to be happy? Maybe when I finish ten important things…?

This is a tough goal to say you’ve accomplished. 43 things is a great site, but obviously focuses on things you want to do and ways to improve yourself. This goal is backwards compared to the rest of my goals.

I am not satisfied with who I am. Don’t get me wrong though, I appreciate what I have and the opportunities in front of me. I just want to be more. I want to improve myself, but by my own definition.

It seems as if there is a battle in my brain. There is the side my parents raised me to be…to finish my degree in Computer Engineering, get a successful high paying job in a suburb somewhere and live out the “American Dream”. And yet, I’m not sure I’m happy with that. I want to do more. I want to explore and be worry free. I want to do what I truly desire without thinking of the consequences. My list of things shows a clear mixture of this battle scene.

On the outside, I’m a clean cut young adult with a ‘successful’ future at my finger tips. However, on the inside there is turmoil. I yearn to do creative things, to set myself apart. I desperately want to get out of the image I grew up in. I don’t want people to assume I’m a republican because of how I dress. I don’t want people to think they know me because of how I look (because trust me, I’m a hell of a lot deeper than a button down shirt).

Fuck the guy my upbringing created. Tomorrow starts the next phase of my life.