stop drinking

I have not stopped. At all. So far. I am hoping that my successful weight loss will continue and be an incentive to drop the beer calories at some point.

Or I could just stop. But I haven’t.

I had one beer WITH my meal and later, when I thought I wanted another, I had a glass of milk instead. (and yes, I actually like milk.)

I just stopped and asked myself what I was wanting before I just “grabbed a beer.”

It was great to be clear-headed and actually read a book.

Stopped, I mean.

Pretty much? Pretty much still drinking 2 drinks (beer) every night. Hello! This is a PROBLEM.

Today I will go cold turkey once again.

Still drinking 12 ounces of beer a day.

I am doing better at not drinking every day, but I still have a couple of beers some nights.

I am not giving up on quitting entirely, but I am happy that I have de-escalated.

I had 3 beers. Because I wanted to.

However, I have broken the pattern of drinking every night.

The fact that I even have to think about it, means I have a problem. It might not be a big problem or it might not be as big as some other person’s problem, but it’s a problem.

Right now there is no alcohol in the house, but I have had something to drink for each of the past 4 nights.

I told Worker and Librarian. I told Librarian that I was “still working it out.” My friends seem to be waiting for me and not pressuring me.

So I will say that just for today I will not drink.

Last night I told Librarian that I think I am bored.

This morning I realized just how much I miss Vriendin. Maybe I have never allowed myself to feel that loss. I have acknowledged it plenty of times from my head, but…

Today I made a paper list of stuff I want and need to do.

Maybe if I keep moving, it will ignite a spark of interest.

Then there is the whole spiritual life/church/relationship thing, which just gets me down.

But today I will not drink.

Now I am reconsidering my original decision to quit. Like I said, I don’t get drunk, have blackouts, drink and drive.

I know I cannot depend on it too much but I haven’t figured out if that means no alcohol ever.

I had two beers last night. I just decided to. Now, I have already said that I do not think I can have a beer every now and then without escalating.

So…now I am not sure what is next. I am going to talk to at least two of the friends I have told about wanting to quit.

Process…