Compare myself to no one, but who I was yesterday

on seeing people as whole and complex people who are fundamentally good in spite of the things they do that I don’t agree with. Listening to Barak Obama’s book is providing some good inspiration for making this change. He seems to genuinely like people, and I want to be more like that.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how introverted I am.

I have always been extremely introverted. I don’t really have any extrovert leanings at all.

But I have changed over time. I’ve come to appreciate what’s good about being an introvert instead of always feeling like a freak. And I have gained some important skills that allow me to act in an extrovert’s world.

I’m still an introvert, but I’m no longer crippled by shyness.

That is big personal growth and probably some major karma resolved.

I am a lot more depressed.

I think it is due to stress.

I took steps to deal with the insubordinate employee today.

I stupidly failed to document my previous conversations with her when I had directed her to give me the faculty dictation reports, so I don’t have specific dates to refer to. Because I was negligent in that area, I didn’t feel I could justify giving her a formal written warning.

I did bring her into my office again and asked her why the reports hadn’t been prepared as asked. I told her in no uncertain terms that we need to receive them every week. And I documented this conversation.

I need to learn from this and start documenting things. It’s a pain in the neck, but you never know when you’ll need that information.

And insubordinate employee is now sulking. So that is uncomfortable. Oh well. What are you gonna do?

Compared to yesterday, I was a beacon of focus and a shining ray of positivity. Well done!

compared to who I was yesterday, today I need to be a bit more focused and perhaps a bit more positive.

What would it feel like if my goals and strivings weren’t always driven by the sense that I am trying to make up for the bad person I believe myself to be underneath it all?

I am comfortable in my own skin maybe 70% of the time now (although part of me is busy worrying if 70% is an accurate estimate, while still another part is amused at this obsession to always be correct) ha!

It is a good sign when your own neuroses become a source of entertainment.

There was a time I couldn’t even find my own skin, it was hidden so far away.

Good work.

“To compare is to despair. . . “