Spread peace in my world

as I have felt under attack, and I feel hurt by it.

For some reason, a group of people at work have decided that I have a “special relationship” with one of the employees and am therefore showing favoritism toward her. Earlier this week, one employee shocked me by verbally attacking me over this.

The ironic thing is that it is hard to imagine anyone trying harder than I do to be fair and equitable in all matters. That kind of thing is such a big deal to me. And three of the people who are involved in this gossip have recently received promotions and raises without even asking solely through my efforts on their behalf.

It has taken a lot of effort to keep my feelings from infecting my actions. I think I have managed to do it, though.

It is times like these, when emotions run high, that it is especially helpful to have higher principles guiding your actions.

The uncomfortable meeting is over. Interestingly, the two employees were far less upset than had been presented to me.

I think this unpleasant episode in my little life is now over!

I had one uncomfortable meeting with one of faculty members yesterday. We talked at length about his complaints about me and my complaints about him. It was a good thing to do, although emotionally draining.

Today I will have a meeting with the same agenda with two staff members. I think it will be a good idea to review the four agreements just beforehand:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Wish me luck!

I returned to work from my vacation today and learned that some people have been complaining about me to my boss. This all stems from the fact that we recently hired a woman who is the sister of a current employee. People are accusing me of practicing favoritism.

The truth is that it was not my idea to interview this woman, and when one of our faculty members suggested that we consider hiring her, I presented all the reasons why having two sisters in the same office was not a good idea. I talked to everyone involved and made sure they knew my concerns. I also listened to their responses and came to believe that all in this circumstance, it could work. I interviewed the sister and saw that she was a great candidate on her own merits. Since hiring her, I have been very pleased with her performance, as have the people who are working directly with her.

My immediate response upon hearing that people were making allegations about me behind my back was to lash out. I still feel angry and want to hurt them back. I am working very hard to exercise restraint of tongue and pen and respond in a measured, fair manner.

I have scheduled an appointment with the two women who made the allegations. I have not yet told them the purpose of our meeting. My plan is to tell them that I’ve heard they are making complaints about me and that I want to give them the opportunity to air their grievances to me directly.

Between now and the meeting (Wednesday morning), I must work very hard on controlling my emotions and responding in the way that is best for our center and our mission in the world. I do not want my actions to be punitive, but I also do not want to condone these women’s behavior.

I really hate the feeling of being falsely accused, and I really hate the feeling of being disappointed in people.

sigh, sigh, sigh…

On the positive side, my boss is incredibly supportive of me. As we discussed this matter, I told him that I really appreciated his support. He responded by saying, “You and I will either sink or succeed together.” I can’t express how good it felt to hear that!

when I fired the new employee with the entitled attitude.

I was feeling very angry, as one of the professors and I had planned to do the deed at the end of the day, but I then learned, quite by accident, that Entitled Woman was leaving at noon for a dentist appointment and not planning to come back today. She did not tell anyone about these plans. So, I ended up doing the termination myself.

I did not act out my annoyance and did a good job of feeling empathy (but not too much empathy). She kept asking me to be more and more specific about the reason she was being let go, and I finally just said, “I feel like you’re trying to draw me into an argument.” That stopped her desire to punish from escalating, and I am glad for that.

for a few days, trying to decide what to do or not do.

The work that we do at the Center that I manage is important work. We are taking on Alzheimer’s disease and the havoc it wreaks in patients and their families. I try very hard to instill in each person who works at the Center that every action we take contributes to this cause. I try to do this while also creating a loving and supportive environment for all the faculty and staff.

Now I’ve reached the conclusion that I need to discipline one of the employees. Some time ago, I asked her to prepare a report letting the medical director & I know when health care providers were behind on the patient chart dictations. This is a very important thing that we need to know about.

After a time, I learned that she was deciding not to send the reports because she “didn’t want to get people in trouble.” So, instead of giving us the information, she would give a faculty member time to get caught up, that sort of thing. I talked to her and explained to her the reasons why it is so important for the medical director and I to know at all times when the providers are behind on their patient dictations. Then I told her that, rather than her alerting us when someone was behind, she was to simply provide a report each and every Friday. I made it clear to her that I’d decided on this time schedule so she didn’t have to feel guilt about making the decision to “turn someone in.”

I realized last week that she has not provided the report in a few weeks, so I asked her about it. She told me she was waiting because one of the providers had been out of town, and it wasn’t fair to him to send out the report until he had a chance to catch up.

So, there it is. She didn’t forget or get too busy. She deliberately chose to disregard what she had been directed to do. The information I requested is very important. Now I don’t trust her to provide it, and I worry that, even if I can get her to send weekly reports, perhaps she will take it on herself to falsify the information.

This is a 56 year old woman who is very insecure. She is always asking, “Am I in trouble?” “What did I do wrong?” I know that she was raised by an abusive, alcoholic mother. My strategy for the past two years with her has been to very patiently work to build her confidence. Now I question that whole approach.

For the good of our program, I will be remiss if I do not take the next step, which is to give her a formal warning. It is hard for me to do this type of thing without first hardening my heart. Especially in situations such as this woman, as I feel she has taken advantage of my good nature, and I feel that her lack of respect for me is my own doing, because I was too nice to her in the first place.

It doesn’t feel as if this is a peaceful action. It’s clearly confrontational. But in the long wrong it is peaceful, because, while it may upset this one person, the mission of our Center is much bigger than any one person. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

Back to work after taking two sick days. 3/4 of the day was spent with person after person in my office, pouring their hearts out to me. My job somehow has evolved into this, into being the emotional core of the Center. People come to me because they trust me, and I work hard to be worthy of that trust.

I need to work just as hard at making sure that the pressure of it doesn’t destroy me.

about what hard work it takes to sow peace.

It takes continuous awareness of the tiniest things. It takes vigorous honesty. It takes scrupulous consideration of others. It takes ongoing self-inventory and the willingness and stamina to come to terms with one’s own history and one’s own shadow side.

I could go on and on. Every day, there are so many actions I can take or not take that lead in the direction toward peace or away from it. It is tiring to always be alert and to keep steering ahead toward peace, but I am committed.

There is a spirit of unrest among some of the people at the Center where I work. I guess the honeymoon is over. People have started listening to their brains again. Some have started noticing the faults of others, and the yammering has begun.

I’m recommitting myself to remembering the impact of my leadership role and watching my own attitudes and words. Or am I just kidding myself here?

We have a new woman at work. She started last week. She seems very nice, shy. As reported to me by one of my work friends, she and New Girl were walking back from clinic one day, and they walked past a small discarded toy bear in the gutter. New girl stopped, picked it up, looked at it, and commented, “Maybe I should take this so I’ll have something on my desk, too.”

She was referring to the fact that everyone in the office has many toys on their desks because I’m always bringing in little toy surprises for special occasions. She’s new, so she hasn’t collected any toys yet. Anyway, before coming to work with us, this new woman lived in Central America studying a certain type of primate in the wild for a year. So this week I found a web site that sells monkey themed toys, and today I have five adorable little monkey toys for her desk. I’m going to go into work early and decorate her cubicle so it will be a surprise when she gets there. How exciting!

Does spreading monkey toys count as spreading peace? Let’s pretend it does. :)