forget the past, live in the present and smile when thinking of the future

Life is shit. A bundle of shit. But really, I don’t know why I even doubted this. The point is even if it is shitty you have to deal with it regardless…which sucks, but I’m willing, I’ve got nothing else better to do.
Just at the moment, it seems nothing is going right:
My parents and their crazy love/hate thing divorce/dating thing is really weird and making me quite confused.
My mother hates me. No really…unconditional love is a fat joke.
My friends that seem not to really care about anything but partying and not about real life issues. not that they should care, we’re only fifteen but i’ve always cared and the fact that I feel that I can’t call them at night if I’ve had a bad day, or have shoulders to cry on makes me quite sad for my generation. and myself.
Both of my sisters are leaving me…again. And tehy have a bundle of issues and all their friends have bundles of issues and it seems non matter how old you are (seeing as they’re all 20+) life is shit, probably even shitter than a fifteen year olds. and that thought is scary.
I don’t have anything close to a relationship, seeing as the guy I liked doesn’t like me what so ever.
School starts tomorrow. Another term of shit and stupid teenage drama and mindless work that I have to do and blah blah.

This, I know, is just me ranting and raving and in the greater scheme of things it doesn’t even matter that all this is happening because it’s not like I won’t get out of the house, go to university, get new friends, get numerous boyfriends, see my sister again…It just sucks right now. I have to live in the present right? and rigt now the present is filled with issues I realy don’t want to have to deal with…but I have to. To get to the future. And the future is looking bright. Ish.

I think I’m starting to achieve this! Life is amazing and great and fantastic and I hope it lasts because I’m better than ever!

Smile when thinking about the future?
Smile when thinking about the future?!??!!
Right now this is what lays ahead for me in the future-
-I have to go back to a school I detest.
-I don’t have stable, real, or even good friends with the exception of my best friend. Which counts for something.
-I haven’t even ordered my books for school yet and I’m starting next month!
-I’m starting grade 9, which is bad enough.
-I have a bundle of issues,clearly, that I still have to sort out.
-The DVD I rented 2 days ago is late. Very late.
Could I go on? Probably. But I’m getting tired of ranting and raving. Actually no I’m not. But whoever is reading this probably is so I’m going to stop now…

I had a sort of epiphany…I want to move on but I don’t want to move on…that makes no sense but it’s exactly how I feel.
There are certain things that I’m holding on to and certain people I can’t forgive and I want to let go and forgive but a part of me feels like if I do, it’s going against my principles. Like, why should I be the one to accept and move on and forgive? Why should I back down?
It’s true-I’m very stubborn. And this may very well be the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, the decision to move on. I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve or prove by not moving on, but I just can;t right now. A stronger desire is holding me back. It’s so annoying!! But hopefully by the end of this year I can sort out this problem…

i want to move ahead with my life, try something new and make a fresh start. This year has been very difficult for me and so much negative things have happened that i think i should move on and live again. Go positive thinking =)