Ask more often: Does this align with my values, goals and dreams?

I’ve realized that I have quite a few very similar goals, with the main intent of being more kind to myself.

Sometimes, it’s not the actual goal wording that I’d like to pay attention to, especially for the less tangible goals like this one, but the feeling that I’ve made progress.

In this case, I feel like saying that I’ve completed this goal, because I feel like I know more about what’s important to me since I’ve started. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m learning to be okay with that.

Yesterday I was talking about how I’m slowly starting to have my place tidiER as a sort of a preparation for getting my own house. I realized that I have a goal that talks about this.

A long time ago, I said that all of my goals had to do with three subjects:

My I
My Home
My Security

And I’m slowly beginning to value my home and I more. I’m making the effort to go to the pool and swim, not so much this week however :( I’m making the effort to write down what goes in my mouth, which in turn makes me more conscious about what I’m eating and what I should be eating. And I’m tidying up my desk and dishes, two points that used to be achilies heels for me.

I’m proud of me for actually getting in alignment with my values (and goals and dreams)

Found this great article:

http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2009/04/12/motivated-by-achievement/

Which mentions the Quarter Life crisis

“‘And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.’ Anais Nin”

This goal suggests that I KNOW what my values, goals and dreams are. But I’ve realized that I don’t. I feel a bit like a ship without an anchor. I mean, I wouldn’t be on 43T if I didn’t have goals, but it doesn’t feel like I have many long term goals.

I recognize that I’ve come so far from where I used to be. And a part of me is happy that I’ve come so far. But I seem to be resting on my laurels. Just like I couldn’t see where I am now from where I was, I can’t see where I’m going from where I am now. I’m content with where I am, but I’m not thrilled. And content is better than miserable.

So I don’t know where I’m going, what the next step is? And I don’t think that the solution to my vague feelings of emptiness is a new job. Or a relationship. I already DO a lot of thinking, self reflecting, reading, wondering. Maybe I’m missing something to make it all click?

I think I’m still expecting fireworks to go off when I get to my goal. It’s never been that way, but I think that I can just “push a button” and all of a sudden, I’ll have accomplished whatever it is. I think it’s the microwave culture that taught me that. Yet, there are many slow and steady goals that I’ve achieved, without even realizing that they’ve been achieved. The whole concept of slow and steady winning the race.

Steve Pavlina’s article seems to have been written for the way I’m feeling right now. The Joy of Solving Problems where he likens having a problem to working out with light weights in the gym, then slowly building up resistence.

“Problems do not exist to beat you down. They exist to help you grow stronger. Problems are like the dumbbells at the gym. If you attempt to lift them, you may feel tired in the short run, but you’ll grow stronger in the long run.”

And this is a problem, or at least I’m making it one. Working on it, thinking about it might solve the problem, but will change me in the process.

A brilliant article from a blog that I just recently found. It gently points out that the question “What’s in going to take?” is generally used in dire circumstances, then asks how our lives would be different if we asked that question about our everyday happiness.

“I wonder what my days would be like if I approached my happiness with more urgency and insistence (like I do deadlines and should-do’s.) I’ve GOT to meet my dancing quota! Come hell or high water, I WILL get a facial and lay in the sun! Wild horses couldn’t keep me from lunch with my girlfriends! Most important deadlines: to meander, to laugh until I snortle by noon every day, to see the first Robin bird of spring before the week is over.”

So ask yourself:

What will it take for you to stop and appreciate the beauty of your life?

You don’t even HAVE to do it. But stop and think about what it would be.

On that note, I think I’m going to make myself another cup of coffee and listen to Beethoven’s Pathetique :)

Or more like realizing that the little actions that I took today made a lot of sense ecologically.

-I went out to the farmer’s market today: So I bought local and supported local businesses.

-I brought reusable bags: Cut down on plastic

-Then I took the train home: Even better than the bus.

-Called my foster mom’s daughter: Kept “family” / social contacts. We have long chatty conversations when I call her, which I really miss now that Fabi’s not here anymore.

So, I didn’t do these things with the intent of being a “do gooder,” I did them because it was the best solution for me. But I realized that I was using my money to support things that are in alignment with my values.

[...] I didn’t have the tools to leave. It took strength, knowledge, self-awareness, and a circle of support, and I utterly lacked those.

Teenagers struggle with independence because they’re used to being treated like idiots who can’t make decisions, and then they make stupid decisions because they don’t know how to make good ones. We aren’t taught how to make good decisions – we’re taught to let others make them for us.

I realized how badly I want to forge my own way, to walk my own walk, to sing my own heartsong.

On blazing your own trail…

There’s been a lot of talking in the last few days, that makes me think, look back on how I’ve grown and is awesome.

Yesterday I had two separate conversations with my two bosses, one about personal development, the kind of stuff I muse and wonder about here, goals, values, growth, questioning, etc… The other was a more career / school type conversation. Something hit me in the face later on, as I was reflecting on the conversation.

My boss asked me what I wanted to do “when I grow up”
And I’ve gotten better at relizing that it’s the same root but that I keep changing the specific label, but it really comes down to “talking in front of people.”
And we started talking about school and careers that I could look into… public relations… etc.
And her comment to me that made me think was why I was avoiding getting a degree. And I’ve made these excuses in my head, but I’m trying to set it up so that I can’t fail, but I’ll never end up trying if I keep going down this path. I used to live for school. Where did that girl go?! I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling guilty that I’m not in school, not get that pang when people ask me what / where I’m studying, but I’d grown to accept the fact that my life is now centered around my job, the next job that I’ll go for, but not in furthering my education, until I have the money, the direction to go in, the “perfect” degree that will pay back the time / money investment.

This is my most cheered upon goal, yet I don’t think that I really give it the attention that it deserves. I think fidgiegirl addressed this in a comment that I’ve highlighted before, one that really struck me about spending “life energy”.

I once sat down and wrote out what I did with my free time and how it corresponded with values, or what actual values it reflected. It was an interesting exercise, one that I did on paper and shall have to dig up to see how it is still applicable to my life now.

I can look at the actions I take that aren’t in alignment with my values, things like sleeping all day or living off fast food, but it’s all about balance, which is why I made it an element of my Happiness Project. Or I can focus on the things that I do, the personal introspection, keeping myself accountable, learning, etc. One will drag me down and the other will bring me up.

Recently I’ve been frustrated that I’m not the “social butterfly” on my social networking sites. I made a comment on my status once that it was really an application of the 80-20 rule, that it was for that 20% of people that I kept in touch with that I use FB. And… I have to learn to be okay with that. Honestly, I don’t WANT to be Ms. Popular… No, I don’t want to want to be Ms Popular, because I will never be… and I need to accept that. I want to be MYSELF. Because my personality, habits, interests aren’t your typical 20-something’s. And, I’ve come to grips with that.

I don’t really fit a label. I dabble in geekdom, but I wouldn’t call myself a geek. I love to cook, but I wouldn’t call myself a foodie. I read about organization, personal finance and personal development, but I don’t have any of those down pat (although I come close with the PF stuff)

But I am not what I say I do, what I claim to be my values. I am what I do everyday. Week after week. And I honestly need to take a look at the daily actions that define my values, but I might not like what I see, because I don’t see them now. And 2009 just might be the year to open my eyes…

Yeah I’m not so sure I’ve been that good about using my CC lately. I went the other day when I was broke and had no money for groceries and bought 15$ worth of cheese. I called it “groceries” and I lived on tomatoes and cheese for the next three days, but I just find that it’s easy to call Anything a “need” and throw it on the CC.

That’s not what this goal is all about. It’s very easy to let something that’s a want, parade around as a need. For example, I need to eat to take care of myself. I don’t need the cheesecake-in-the-morning-crazy-super-awesome-20$-breakfast (which right now is showing as a double pending transaction on my CC… WTF!) I don’t need the 6$ smoothie. I even have smoothie fixings at home.

But I haven’t been eating right, I’ve been surviving on eggs and tofu for the past few weeks and it’s made me super hungry and headachey all the time (or maybe that’s the new drugs I’m taking, I don’t know). I found a gift certificate for a grocery store that I had originally tried to use at a sister store and gotten turned down, so I put it in my wallet and forgot about it.

I went on Wednesday to use it at the actual store and stocked up on 90$ worth of meat and veggies. Oh I let myself have a few treats: the cans of clams, the frozen shrimp (the ultimate quicky meal), the premade hummus, but for the most part I stocked up on good food and stocked a whole bunch in my freezer. I really don’t want to go hungry like that again. Besides it’s not like I don’t have the space for it, with the “new” upright freezer I inherited, so that now I can find things, as they can’t lurk in the bottom unbenouced to me.

Since I had the 50$, I came in at 40$ in groceries for the week, which is what I had budgetted. Except for the fact that 40$ doesn’t really buy much groceries. I really need to increase the amount that I’m spending for groceries. Rather I need to make sure that I’m planning my meals for the week so that I spend less money. On the other hand I need to make sure that I keep my fruit basket full so it’s a balancing act to make sure that I spend the money on what really matters in my diet.