be a leader

on being a leader right now.

I’m creating a profile- lots more people know who I am than ever before, which apparently is a good thing. However I’m not earning enough money to pay the bills & I don’t know what I’m doing wrong & I can’t see a way out of it.
I feeel so ashamed that I’m not meeting my full resposibilities.

On one hand I feel like it’s good to ask for help when one needs it, on the other hand I feel like a complete failure & that I have the power to change things on my own, and if I’m not doing that then I’m failing miserably.

I had a phone conversation with someone today where I cried because I’m overdue the money I owe & I can’t cope I feel so ashamed. Because I feel so ashamed I’m not taking care of myself- not eating right, not sleeping right, started smoking again too. I feel like such a failure, and worse still I feel like a complete fake- how can I be a coach when I’m failing so miserably myself?

I’m developing a public profile which is good, but what it also means is that I have a conflict- when I am having a bad day I have avoided expressing it, for fear of not setting a good example.

I am conflicted about this because on one hand I believe that having someone who appears to be something that I want to be is hugely inspiring, yet at the same time i also believe that the best example is being totally honest- because people can really relate to pain/struggle & they’re likely to have been in that place themselves at some point in their lives- which is a good way to connect to them.
However, it may be more useful to only share retrospectively…

what do you think?

Are you inspired when someone shares openly & honestly – warts, defects & weaknesses & you can witness the process of them finding solutions…

or do you prefer to see a leader appear to be successful

or would you like to know that they have experienced difficulties- but only when they’ve found the solutions….

which option do you think is more inspiring, more motivating?

so much so that I’m quite frequently getting people talking to me that know me & who I am before I’ve even met them!

This is a little scarey, and I need to be careful about managing my public profile appropriately!

I’ve been quite quiet on 43t of late because I’ve been spending a lot of time on twitter, yesterday I received a compliment and a recommendation from a follower of mine which I was pretty blown away by:

an inspirational person- motivates us 2 find d best within ourselves she’s the Irish #Obama #followfriday11:51 AM May 23rd

A compliment comparing me to Obama! WOOO HOOO! I’ll take that any day :)

is about me becoming the best person I possibly can be.

Together with one of my coaches I’m uncovering things I really don’t like about myself.

it’s not nice. what I fear most is actually what I do, and it’s the denial of that aspect that gives it power and manifests it even more. It’ll continue manifesting stronger and stronger until I accept that it is part of me and needs to be loved, just like every other part.

Am I prepared to love the parts of me that I don’t even like?
At least I am prepared to admit they exist. That’s the first step Awareness, have I accepted them yet? Not quite, but almost.
Once I’ve accepted them it’ll be easy to move into action and replace them with more loving attributes.

I feel the world owes me a living, that I deserve to have a home, food, a car just because I’m me. I don’t fully grasp that in order for that to happen I have to create something of value that I can exchange to get the things I need. I’m still caught up in anger and resentment that I didn’t get my basic rights/needs met. When actually now it’s time for me to take RESPONSIBILITY and learn HOW to provide for myself.

This has all arisen from me realising I’m scared to run a workshop that I’ve run before with huge success, I now have a lot wider network to promote it through, people have expressed an interest in attending. I’m scared I’ll run it and loose the deposit on the hotel, which I can’t afford to pay.

where the games are specifically designed to bring out the best in oneself I am proud to say I am growing in both my ability to be an effective leader and my confidence in that ability.

I lead a team to winning one of the games, and we won by a LONG long way! :-)

It was sublime finding people that I loved working with, we worked smoothly, effortlessly and all slipped into the roles that suited us best, no arguments or power struggles, we all just got on with what needed to be done. I drove the team forward to meet our objectives and delegated another team member to lead us in celebrating our successes, together we all made an awesome team and I gained so much loyalty from those that worked with me which was an honour, and something I’m very proud of.

Being a lifetime member of frontier trainings is an honour and a priviledge and has introduced me to the frontier family, where lifetime members really are all about supporting each other in reaching their dreams.

Thank you Clinton Swaine!

http://www.frontiertrainings.com

i mean I know it’s like amazing that someone black is now president but that’s not what makes my heart sing about Obama beig president.

What makes my heart sing about Obama is the things he stands for, the principles and morals that he has, but not only those alone. What really makes my heart sing is that he really understands how to be an effective, inspiring leader. He really understands that he needs to work with the system in order to change it, not fight against it.

I feel so proud of who he is, he is a truly amazing person, not because of his race, but because of the man he is.
Don’t get me wrong, the fact that an American president who is of mixed race is certainly something to celebrate, that IS amazing in it’s own right, but that’s not the most important aspect of Obama. His confidence, and how he inspires people, his ability to effect change, that’s what I celebrate!

My “to be a leader” goal is to become as an effective leader as Obama, if I even become 1% as good at being a leader and role model as he is I will consider my goal achieved.

is a good way to improve my own leadership skills.

on 30th Jan, to mark the UK’s National Ghandi Remembrance day I’m going to put on an evening seminar about his life and achievements, along with an open discussion about how we each can apply principles he taught into our own lives, finishing off with a short meditation, then tea and chat :-)

I have found that clients can have difficulty in placing their own needs ahead of the needs of the business, or ahead of the needs of their families. Does this serve their families, their businesses, their selves?
Think about this one for a moment or two… or more.
Does neglecting self serve others around us? Our families, staff, community, friends?

Before you come to your final conclusion take a moment… with a pen and paper and answer these questions: Some of them may seem extremely similar, or the same but humour me… you might be surprised at how subtle differences can reveal things.

What happens when you neglect your own needs?

What happens to you when you neglect your own needs?

What happens around you when you neglect your own needs?

What happens to your family when you neglect your own needs?

What happens to your colleagues/staff/team when you neglect your own needs?

How do you feel when you neglect your own needs?

How do you behave when you neglect your own needs?

How do you think when you neglect your own needs?

What do you sound like when you neglect your own needs?

What happens to you when you place the needs of your family ahead of your own?

How effective are you in the roles you play at work, when you neglect your own needs?

How effective are you in the roles you play at home/in your family?

How loving, kind and considerate are you to those around you when you neglect your own needs?

I’d love to write a really concise conclusion to this, wrapping up everything neatly for you in a beautiful little package… but I don’t need to. Take a look at the writing you’ve just done- there lies your answers.

One thing I do “Prescribe” is that you make a decision right now (assuming you’re reading this AFTER you’ve written down your answers of course)- make a decision regarding a change that you would like to make as a result of seeing what you’ve written down. Your decision could be something like:
I decide to place a priority on meeting my own needs as an individual so that I may better serve the needs of those I love.
Or it could be something completely different, whatever your decision is take that decision and write it out neatly and place it somewhere that you’ll see it every morning and every night- to focus your conscious and sub-conscious mind onto integrating that decision into your thoughts, words and deeds.

The hard work is remembering and disciplining yourself to look at this decision morning and night until it’s integrated into who you are- until you’ve integrated it into your psyche as a new modus operandi.

Sit back and enjoy the benefits of making you into a more loving beautiful person than ever before- just by noticing the effects of neglecting your own needs you’ve made a fundamental positive change! Well done you!!

Yesterday I decided to tell someone that the way they communicated with me was completely unnacceptable, I was basically shitting myself!!
Standing up for myself is something I find extremely difficult to do, becoming a leader obviously entails me developing this skill which is why I’ve decided to do so at every opportunity. Don’t get me wrong, my aim is not to be aggressive or “give people a piece of my mind!” but rather to be able to competently communicate information that previously I found difficult, if not impossible to do.

That’s why I’m thanking people that I feel hurt about in response to their behaviour, firstly because it’s an opportunity for me to heal the hurt from the past which is just being triggered off again by the present event, and secondly it’s an opportunity for me to be able to say you know what the way you behaved resulted in me feeling x y and z and I find that behaviour unnacceptable.
Yesterday it worked, the person was surprised the way they’d spoken to me had such a negative effect (and I don’t think they really understood exactly what they did to trigger that response) but they agreed not to use that style of communication with me in the future and as a result the relationship was strengthened, and we both understand a bit more about each other.

:-)

Success is all about win win, leadership is all about win win for me.

I needed to remind myself that by telling him what I considered bad news to him was actually doing him a favour because now he understands more about the effect his behaviour has on others.

Also it was a reminder that the reason I find this so difficult was when I was 17 I told by boyfriend I wanted a break to assess if i was in the right relationship, he attempte suicide in front of me, and I had to get a restraining order on him because I faced the very real danger of him taking me off in his car and crashing it, killing us both.
Small wonder I find delivering what I perceive as unwelcome information is hard for me eh!! ??

Anyway… I’m changing that, I’m stepping up to be the biggest grandest version of me that I can be… I’m doing my best to live up to god’s will for me.

:-)