So, my last update explained how I’d been getting closer & closer to a friend and we’d kissed, but then I decided it didn’t feel right & wanted to stay friends…
Well what happened was that when I told him, he was really cool about it. He said he was gutted, wished it was different but that really, if it wasn’t mutual between 2 people then that was fair enough, but that he would still continue to be my friend.
And he did- continue to be the warm, loving, funny friend I’d gotten closer & closer to over the last few months.
Then he went away for a week, and was extremely busy with work (it was a business trip) and he wasn’t around to have little chats with on Skype/by text, and I realised that I missed him.
When he got back I was due to meet with him and some friends, which we did and I found that I was really attracted to him physically.
We sat down for lunch together, and I made sure I was sitting next to him, I let my leg touch his leg, and it felt lovely. It felt right, it felt good, it felt electric!
So then I was all deeply confused, because I hadn’t felt like that the week before :S
I talked it over with my friend and she said she believed he would be great for me & that telling him how I now felt was a good idea.
I was full of anxiety, what if I told him this, and then my feelings changed again a week later?
Later that night I ended up talking to him on the phone. And after talking about everything except what I wanted to say, I finally plucked up the courage!
“I missed you while you were away”...
“When we were in the pub & my leg was touching yours- it was meant to…”
The next day we were due to meet anyway, for business, which we still did.
But in the break… he kissed me, and it was lovely :)
then we went for lunch and we held hands, and when we were in the queue waiting to be seated I leant against him, and it felt like heaven. Strong, secure, safe, loving, perfect.
This coming Sunday ( a few days time) we’ll be celebrating our 5 “weekiversary” :)
I was extremely nervous to begin with, totally unsure and way outside of my comfort zone.
Talking it over with friends, they gave me the nudge of encouragement, so what if it might not work out, it might not be “THE” relationship, if I wanted it I needed to experience it to find out!
And we’ve had our rollercoasters- including 2 days in Thorpe Park with plenty of roller coasters for real- brilliant, amazing days that were definitely amongst the best of my life so far, because of the fun, the friends we were with, and because I was with him.
It took me a while, but I said the “L” word for the first time a few weeks back.
I’ve had some emotional issues surface since then, but we’ve survived.
I look at him and I really like what I see. When my lips touch his, I feel connected, warm, loved.
There are many things that are not perfect about him, but many that are.
There are many, many things that are not perfect about me, and I hope that they don’t drive him away.
I hope that, together, we can create a healthy, loving, long lasting, secure relationship.
Today I am prepared to make mistakes, and learn from them, I will not allow myself to be paralysed by the fear of being wrong.