and I think to myself how to I get rid of this fear?
I could visualise feeling happy and motivated and full of courage, but the idea is to really feel that during the visualation and I feel incapable of finding that feeling right now.
I know I’m a good person, at least I think i am… yet why do I self sabotage?
today I got up very early to bring bf to his work, this I figured was good because I needed to be in dublin for a life coaching course anyway, but when I got home and cooked lunch I was shattered. I had 2 choices, either stay awake and feel like shit and have no motivation (Like what happened to me one day last week) or go to sleep for an hour, waking up feeling refreshed and ready to attend the women in business network meeiting I wanted to go to.
I chose to go to sleep. However,... when my alarm woke me up I felt even more tired and incapable of facing lots of women I’ve never met before so I decided not to go.
I felt guilty about this because I’ve been wanting to join for a while but figured I’d get an early night and tomorrow I’d have a really great day having had loads of sleep!
well…. then what happened was that around 10.30pm I started thinking about getting to bed… then I hit a dilema, I needed to feed the dogs. I wanted the outside (They normally sleep in he kennel outside) but my neighbour told me last weekend one of my dogs has starting barking and waking him and his family up in the middle of the night! In response to this I’d kept her in… but I am afraid, she’s a little hyperactive and I’m afraid I’ll come downstairs one morning to a wreck of a house! I wanted to go to my bf’s house tonight, but couldn’t because the only options I saw was leaving them in the house on their own (DIssaster for my home!) or bringing them with me in the Jeep and letting them sleep i nthe jeep all night. They are quite relaxed about staying in the Jeep and it doesn’t stress them out, but it stresses me out, it means walking them near my bf apartment, which is near a canal and goldie always goes for a swim, it’s impossible to keep her from the water, and then this makes the Jeep very damp and smelly.
Any way…. I was in a dilema about what to do with the dogs. I think the dog that’s barking *Sasha) is going to have to be re-homed, to a farmer or someone that hunts, she has too much energy which is why she’s started barking and I can’t cope with the idea that she’s upsetting my neighbours!!! There is a possibility I could try an anti barking gadget, but to be honest I don’t want to spend any more money on her, she just ruined an extra tough, waterproof bed I’d spend 100 euro on just before christmas. I don’t have more money to waste on her.
on the other hand I don’t want goldie on her own because she gets stressed without me too!
The point…. yes there was a point to this!!
Is that now its 4am… and I’m still awake… why/? because I didn’t make a decision about what to do with the dogs… thus I froze and made no decision and am up typing on 43things at 4am!!!
