meditate daily

Well, I’ve been making a point of this every night for the past three days. It does make a difference. It makes me a lot more relaxed about life. Seems strange to me that I want to stay up later just to do it. But shrugs. My business partner asked me if I was taking vitimins or something, I’ve been so productive…. snickers

I was so full of energy last night that I figured it was a good time to try to focus. I actually ended up humming a modified om/wolf call. It was an incredible feeling. I could actaully feel the vibration all through my mouth and humming against my teeth. The thoughts swirling in my head calmed down except for the occasional admonition to feel and experience not analyze the experience for the purposes of writing it up here… grins It was a great experience.

I was thinking last night about a continuing argument of creationism/evolution that I’d been having with a co-worker. I was really getting upset with him but it wasn’t because we were arguing. That was sort of fun, but rather because I felt that he didn’t respct my opinions. I decided to meditate on those feelings last night to see where I was coming from. It turns out that I was feeling angry at his discounting of my beliefs. His disbelief that I could truly belive he was wrong and wasn’t just playing Devil’s Advocate really upset me, to the point that I actually did tell him that we had to agree to disagree on the point. He wanted a convert, or at least that’s how it felt. I wanted an intellectual examination of ideas. He was getting agressive and rather than de-escalting the situation, I was reflecting back the same frustration. This is a place I can work. I need to work on acceptance of other’s opinions and the fact that other world-views are as valid as my own.

Funny how meditation seems to turn into self-analysis. I guess it’s a start. I was reading zen koans last night. I need to work on just being and experiencing my life. I need to let others find their own paths in life. (That doesn’t mean I can’t point them towards questions, or readings that I think they’d enjoy, or would like to have their opinion on. I just have to be careful about forcing my views onto other people. It is their choice, not mind. I need to accept that.)

I dreamt other night that I was drowning. I had jumped into a pool that was too deep, gotten a little water into my lungs, got disoriented and couldn’t make my way back to the top.

In practical terms, I took this to mean I was having an asthma attack and I’d better get up and monitor it.

Spiritually, though, I wondered if it didn’t more resounding meanings. I meditated on it last night and the message I recieved was “be still and know that I am Master of all.” I was struggling in my dream – stirring up bubbles and unnecessary confusion in my panic. If I had been still I would have natually risen to the top of the pool and been fine. On the spiritual level I take this to mean that I am not spending enough time listening to TPTB (“the powers that be”). So I commit to spend more time connecting to the greater powers in the world.

I realized that I’m waking up early and then going back to sleep – well, half-sleep as I smack the snooze alarm regularly. Perhaps I could use this time for meditation instead. It might be a better way of starting off the day.

I haven’t journeyed in over a year. It was exhilirating and brutally honest at the same time. I faced some hard truths about fear and consumption, creation and hiding. I’m finding that as I work at decluttering my life and de-polluting my body, a lot of the issues that caused the cluttering have disappeared. I don’t feel the need to keep CD’s that I don’t like. I don’t need to keep things that I don’t read. I’ve been pack-ratting a little bit, but not too much. I don’t need the outer symbols of things for my own self-worth. I go through and delete a few books here and there from my collection, but they’re the only thing I don’t have a big push to rid myself of. I’m better off focusing on getting bad foods out of the cupboard and stuffed animals I haven’t looked at in years out of the closets. Time to move on and up. I’ve found my creativity is starting to soar again. If I can just get healthy maybe I can complete a few more of the items on my list just by having the energy and space to do them.

I don’t do empty mind meditation as well as I journey, but since they both involve spiritual connection, I consider them both meditation. And I do try to mix up which meditations I do so that I don’t get bogged down in one tradition.