I had my vent in my last entry but I’ve decided that I’m done. I’m taking a different approach this time. I’ve had my last cigarette. I’m treating this goal as completed. That’s it, I’ve had my last smoke, there is nothing more for me to do asides from not smoking again. I’m not going to count the days and wait for something to happen. I became a non smoker the second I put that cigarette out. There is no need for me to wait 3 weeks for cravings to go. I can get on with my life. I can start enjoying not smoking from the word go instead of sitting around waiting! It’s the waiting and indecisiveness that makes it hard to stay quit.
If anyone reads these, I am sorry for my rants, I understand they could become quite annoying and may appear over dramatic but this is something I really needed to get sorted.
I have slipped up big time. I feel like I’m full of crap after writing my last entry. All that “I’m more determined” crap I wrote, well it’s all BS it seems. The day after it was much the same, except this time I did light up and I did inhale. I’ve let myself down. I almost lied about it here, I thought I might just try to continue as if nothing had happened but what’s the point in that? I’d be lying to myself.
I’m annoyed, pretty misserable and in a bit of a rut after lighting up again. How many times do I have to learn this lesson? Smoking does nothing for me, nothing good anyway. So why do I lie to myself, why do I trick myself into lighting up? It’s stupid. I’m not giving up quitting. I am scared of trying again though, I’m scared of feeling like this yet again but at the same time I know I have to, for my own sake. No one forces us to smoke except for ourselves. I’ve forced myself to smoke, I knew how I would feel and I knew it’d do nothing for me yet I still did it. For some reason I let myself believe that there was something in that cigarette that I needed to enjoy life. How silly, life is much more enjoyable without cigarettes. Obviously I didn’t just have one because as we all know, just one cigarette doesn’t fcunikg exist!
Smoking is nothing more or less than drug addiction. I am addicted, I am a junkie for nicotine and it is ruining my life. I might not be spending all of my money on it, I’m not homeless because of it but it is making me extremely unhappy to the point that I can’t really enjoy anything at the moment. I can’t function properly as a smoker. It is warping my mind. It makes me feel lethargic and instead of pursuing other interests I sit around tired, lighting up throughout the day relieving nicotine cravings. I hate myself for smoking, I’m paranoid about my health yet the fear that quitting creates seems to override it all. I have been well and trully brainwashed. The good news, well… hopefully there is some. I know I can quit. So, from Batman (I’m a bit of a superhero fan) Why do we fall? So we can pick ourselves back up again. Damn right. And that is what I’m going to do. I’m sick of this siht.
I just had a real powerful urge to smoke… I was fighting it for about an hour and it just wouldn’t go away. I actually ended up walking to the shop and buying cigarettes! I actually put one in my mouth… I even lit one in my hands and smelt the smoke… I was so close to being absolutely misserable and sliding back into that pit of addiction and lies that I’ve fought so hard to escape. I ended up sitting in a dark alleyway twiddling a cigarette between my fingers, thinking it all over and staring at the stars (clear sky always gets me and I needed quiet time to contemplate my next move). I saw a shooting star and used that as motivation to get up and throw them away. I know that sounds silly but I don’t care, whatever works at this point. Maybe it just made me realise there is more to life than cigarettes.
I deluded myself into believing that there is something about smoking that I enjoy and a cigarette suddenly became the most precious thing in the world. I started to doubt my decision to quit, I started to doubt my timing and I started to think to myself ‘I’ll just have one cigarette, then throw them away’. I don’t know what saved me, maybe it was the amount of times I’ve failed doing just that in the past. Maybe I’m just more determined to escape this time.
Last night was really tough, I blame it on the beers I had… First drink since quitting. I think it was just a trigger. Providing I respond to each one with the right mindset, they will soon go away.
Smoking didn’t even cross my mind today, I’m looking forward to more days like this! I’ve been very distracted though to be fair, my new bike came so been all excited about my new toy hehe. Actually, that raises a point, maybe it’s good to find a new hobby or something to keep the mind active rather than sitting around moaning about the cravings. All the best to everyone quitting or building up to it.
The actual physical cravings seem to have completely dissappeared now. However, some of the mental side of things remain. The 5th day is meant to be the toughest for people quitting smoking. I’m not sure why this is, but today has been tougher for some reason even though the physical withdrawal symptoms seem to have gone. I can only assume it’s because I sense I am kicking the habit and I have a false sense of security, my mind is saying go on just have one it wont hurt. Luckily I’ve been through that before and I know that one will hurt greatly. I guess many of the reasons I decided to quit such as shortness of breath, bad breath and lethargy are dissappearing so part of me thinks why not have one? I keep reminding myself that it’s addiction and a life long chain if I don’t break it. Plus I know that it’d taste horrible and I wouldn’t enjoy it anyway. I feel much better mentally and physically and I am not going to look back. It’s great to be free as a non-smoker!
“Why is it that we regard crack or heroin addiction as such great evils, while taking the drug that we spend most of our money on and is actually killing us, we regarded until just a few years ago as a perfectly acceptable social habit? In recent years it has been revealed as a killer and become considered antisocial, but it’s still legal and on sale in glossy packets in every newsagent, supermarket, off-licence and petrol station. The biggest vested interest is our own Government. In the UK the Government makes more than £8,000,000,000 per year out of smokers, and the tobacco companies spend over £100,000,000 per year in promotion alone in spite of the advertising bans.
You need to start building up a resistance to this brainwashing, just as if you were buying a car from a second-hand dealer. You would be nodding politely but you would not believe a word the man was saying.
Start looking behind these glossy packets at the filth and poison beneath. Do not be fooled by the cut-glass ashtrays or the gold lighters or the millions who have been conned. Start asking yourself:
Why am I doing it?
Do I really need to?
NO, OF COURSE YOU DON’T.”
It has been surprisingly easy so far because I have been in the right frame of mind. I take no credit for that although I have been building this up for quite some time. I’m not going to let my guard down though. The first 3 days I had some quite bad cravings but it was a mind over matter thing. Today, I haven’t even had the urge to smoke at all… I’m not saying I’m not thinking about smoking a lot, I am but I don’t feel threatenned by it. I’m not feeling as anxious or empty today. I’m actually looking forward to getting on with my life without those filthy things. I’m going to my kickboxing class in two hours so I’m sure that’ll reinforce my decision even more. I’m hoping my lungs will be much more effective than they were Tuesday!
What I’ve learnt is that the actual withdrawal symptoms from nicotine are mild, they are nothing! It’s the mind that tortures us when we attempt to quit, that fear that takes hold of us, you can’t imagine life without smoking. For anyone who is struggling or for anyone who is looking to quit, I would recommend reading ‘Easy way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr’ it allows you to smoke until you’ve finished the book, it removes the urge to smoke first and it doesn’t rely on health scares and so on. I’m not affiliated with the book in any way I’m just saying it has been very effective for many people judging by reviews and my own personal experience.
I’m half way through day 3… Today I have had a constant nagging feeling telling me to go to the shop for cigarettes. It is tempting but I am not doubting my decision to quit. I don’t care how often I think about smoking the next few days I am not going to smoke. I’m looking forward to the insecure, empty feeling going. For now I’m just trying to not let it get to me too much and I am re-reading and drilling this page as well as other parts of the book into my head:
”’Just one cigarette’ is a myth that you must get out of your mind.
It is just one cigarette that gets us started in the first place. It is just one cigarette to tide us over a difficult patch or on a special occasion that defeats most of our attempts to stop.
It is just one cigarette that, when smokers have succeeded in breaking the addiction, send them back into the trap. Sometimes it is just to confirm that they do not need them any more, and that cigarette does just that. It tastes horrible and convinces the smoker he will never become hooked again, but he already is.
It is the thought of that one special cigarette that often prevents smokers from stopping. The first one in the morning or the one after a meal.
Get it firmly in your mind there is no such thing as just one cigarette. It is a chain reaction that will last the rest of your life unless you break it.”
I’ll stop posting as often for this goal once the first 5 days are over, it just helps to write sometimes. Good luck to everyone else quitting!
I went to my kickboxing class last night for the first time in a while. I could barely breath it was so intense but it helped to enforce my decision to quit as I felt like I couldn’t get any air in my lungs and I know that was a direct result of smoking. I think the rigorous exercise has helped to dislodge a lot of the crap from my lungs as I’ve been coughing a lot today, my chest is burning and there’s quite a lot of phlegm (eww right? :( ) I’m actually pleased about this though, I know that it’s just my body kicking all the tar and crap out of my body…
I was a happy non-smoker for over two years and then… **! It’s true that those who find it easy to quit find it easy to start again… and then consequently find it a lot harder to quit the next time. It’s also true that ‘Just one cigarette…’ is a myth. I’ve learnt this the hard way. I have had to re-read my smoking book (Allen Carr’s Easyway to stop smoking) and it’s a real life saver. Even though I quit only 2 hours ago I don’t feel that anxiety and panic that usually set in during my previous failed attempts at stopping. I’ve been smoking on and off for 6 months and it is time I broke the chain.
The first time I quit I found it ridiculously easy using that book… the last few times since I started again however… it hasn’t been the same. Mainly because I have been doubting myself because I let myself become hooked again after using this method. I ignored all the warnings and lit up anyway. How silly of me. I hate smoking, I have tried to quit at least 20 times in the last 6 months, everytime I smoked I hated it and wondered why I had to do it. Everytime I quit, I starting moping and doubting my decision… and so on, the cylcle went on. Why why why?! I’m done now, for good. Never again. I’m escaping. Done. DONE! I’m gonna be free. YES! :D