At the beginning of each month in 2012, review my resolutions for the year

Nourish vibrant health: COMPLETE

My consciousness of my health overall is better. I take more steps to take care of myself. The past two weeks of grieving have taken a toll with appetite and weight, bad sleep, crying a lot. But I know that crying and grieving is healthy and necessary, and I am not bottling things up. Though things are not perfect, nourishing vibrant health is a way of life now.

Trust my intuition: COMPLETE

It is habit now to listen to my gut feelings and heed them. Again, a way of life, marked done.

Make openhearted decisions

So heavy-hearted, I can’t even think about this one right now. I know I had been doing better, and I am hearing a better voice when fear crops up. Staying more open-hearted than before.

Develop my yoga practice

This will just move on to next year goal.

Live in abundance

This is going fairly well. My old car limped off into the sunset, and I got more for it than expected. The new car payment is manageable, considering the decrease in maintenance cost and stable house situation with new roommate. Plus job opportunity has popped up too. I think I am almost there, definitely feeling more abundant and less worried than before.

Cultivate a sustainable, inspiring career: COMPLETE

The current job is sustainable. Having that extra time inspired me to spend more time living, enjoying my family, enjoying activities. The job part is taking a turn for more inspiring too, as I may be on board as an adjunct starting next semester (in addition to current job). Career going in right direction.

Create a better living space: COMPLETE

Old roommate is mostly gone, new roommate is mostly in. I’ve cleaned like a maniac the past few days… constructive outlet for grief, I tell myself. Decluttering is ongoing, but the energy is already 1000% better.

_{photo from 9 October 2009, back in Chicago}

What a month of many changes and many blessings! October has felt like a special month of change, ever since my time in the midwest. There is nothing like seeing the trees make their dramatic changes to inspire me likewise. Though we don’t have fall colors here, the heat begins to abate, the air still changes and sometimes gets that crispness, the wind shifts and sounds come from different directions… Change is afoot, and I love October :) November, here we come!

Nourish vibrant health

October Did not get enough sleep or water… rats! Did do an excellent job at expressing my emotions, which resolved liver pain. Digestion is up and down. Am dancing weekly. Spent amazing time with family. They mean so much to me. Made lots of camping plans, and that good fresh air fixes many things :)

November Keep this excellent dance habit! Keep acupuncture… it is always transformative and helpful. Keep expressing feelings. Try to get more sleep. That is probably affecting the digestive issues. Make more time to cook again. Go camping :)

Trust my intuition (COMPLETE!)

This has been going amazingly well! I think I have really learned how to do this! :) When my gut says things I want to believe, I am choosing to trust it, instead of doubt! When it says things I don’t want to hear, I stop to unravel why. I have yet to see some of the outcomes of this strategy, but I believe this is working!!

Make openhearted decisions

October This has really improved, too. Hung the quote in the mirror again: “The fear will not help you save what you have; it will make you lose what you could become.”

November It is really tied to trusting my intuition, and believing in abundance, which facilitate my letting go of fear. Remember the recommendation to put things into “heart-voice” and ask for what I need or want, instead of shutting down in fear.

Develop my yoga practice

October Failed at meditation goal. Realized sleep deprivation has to be addressed first. Acknowledged that I made a conscious decision to stop practicing asana last June, and have been working on re-balancing some imbalanced muscles. I will be able to practice asana again at some point.

November This is not a huge area of focus. With this many goals, something has to get backburnered. I’m still getting exercise with dancing and hiking, so all is not lost in the health arena. I’ve done many other things to give peace of mind, and this will come back up next year. Am making good progress on muscle re-balancing with massage.

Live in abundance

October In the black. Saying yes. Giving more. Received an unexpected raise at the start of fiscal year. Raised a heap of money for my sister’s MS fundraiser. Am receiving love in abundance!! :) I am so much more able to see the universe acting in my life.

November Keep giving. Find a way to re-budget for a car payment. The regular expense will be more manageable than surprise repairs. Random car failure does not feel abundant :D Love, love, love. ♥

Cultivate a sustainable, inspiring career

October I still haven’t gotten rid of the teaching supplies, but have made some offers. A few miracles of the universe happened that has landed a promising interview on Monday.

November This has been sustainable, and inspiring may be on the way. STUDY tomorrow!! Keep up this positive and grateful attitude. Everything is going in the right direction, and starting to make sense. :)

Create a better living space

October Hell yes!! Rectified something with current housemate. Signed a lease with new housemate to move in here early December. This is really changing for the better.

November Clutter is really oppressive; get rid of it! Make space for this new housemate in as many ways as possible. It will not be hard to be gracious, as this is a huge blessing.

I completely forgive myself for not writing last month… I’m glad I spent that time with my kitty instead.
_{Why is this list so long? Seriously, self? Mental note, fewer areas of focus next year!}

Nourish vibrant health

August/September Some backsliding on digestion with stress. Sunday cooking went very well, and acupuncture was frequently cathartic.

October Keep up drinking water, see if even more is possible. Keep trying to get enough sleep. Deal with the anger paining my liver.

Trust my intuition

August/September This went shockingly well with understanding my cat. It was a struggle to have faith during the chaos, but indeed it was spot-on the whole time. I think it would have gone as shockingly well with dating, were it not for mixed signals. Almost like my gut feeling was sabotaged from outside. I suppose we can always choose to disregard our signs. Or else my gut was totally off the mark… Either way, it has been a learning experience to see that situation unfold.

October Act on what happened yesterday…don’t ignore it. I saw something that can’t expect to change, and have to make my own move. That is not a choice out of fear, it is out of health and safety, so don’t sweat it, just go. Writing in feeling journal + acupuncture is great for honing this, so keep doing it.

Make openhearted decisions

August/September Made many decisions based on hope instead of fear. Even several major ones. A long road to go… fear still flares up like a fog sometimes.

October Live now, live now, live now…. Live in hope, but not the festering hope that holds on too long to something dead. Loose and light and free, that is what an open heart feels like. A gentle breeze.

Develop my yoga practice

August/September Asana fail. Still somehow navigating with more grace than before.

October Forgive self for fail, and read the Judith Lasater book collecting dust. There are ways to apply yoga to my life even if daily asana is not right for me right now. Meditate… shoot for 300 min this month.

Live in abundance

August/September Things are in the red but less so… Several moments of abundance were critical (thank you vet, thank you car mechanic, thank you so many…). This is up and up.

October Give more. Give as much as possible. Remember that revolutionary morning in the pink classroom? The mirror effect. Keep saying yes. This will go somewhere.

Cultivate a sustainable, inspiring career

August/September Classes going well. Work going fine. Valuing the flexibility and benefits of this job, even though it does not feel like a forever job. It is allowing the rest of my life to inspire me. Chose 2 nights/week of class, which is more sane and above all sustainable.

October Practicing outside of class brings me so much joy… create more opportunities to do that. Start to open eyes for a chair for November. Let go of the teaching supplies (gasp) and remember abundance- if those things are needed again, they will be available. I will not be without.

Create a better living space

August/September Lily gave us a gift of not fighting for quite a while. Still, this situation needs to change. It is unhealthy and unstable. I’m not sure even my kindly landlord is worth this. Is hauling laundry really that bad, in comparison to the past two years?

October Eyes and ears. Purge the clutter. Make abundant space for someone or someplace else. See what little is necessary. Anything that hasn’t been opened in a year needs to find a new home. Those teaching papers are holding me down like an anchor of a thousand dead trees. Give them back to the earth.

Nourish vibrant health

July: Digestion has been amazing! I am pleased with my tummy’s progress being off gluten for so long. A lot of foods have come back into my diet. Sunday cooking has been going well. Acupuncture wonderful as always. Had a good massage. Visited with family members a few times. Skin broke out really badly, either from wheat-based kitty litter or massage cream. Should be sorted out soon. Not sleeping enough, but getting the hang of it.

August goals: Get more sleep, drink more water, and keep up the good work :)))

Trust my intuition

July: Trusting my intuition has been going better. I am not writing in feeling journal that much, though. It is more intense than I expected it to be. I am talking more about my feelings out loud… it’s accomplishing something without going all the way down the rabbit hole yet.

August goals: The biggest challenge is listening to my gut and trusting that I will know what to do for my sick kitty. She still has so much life in her, and intuition is the only thing that will let me know when that right time is. Working on trusting that I will know, and listening to sweet kitty. Also, my gut has scheduled a session this Friday that has intriguing potential.

Make openhearted decisions

July: To make decisions not based on fear, that is the point. Still working on it. Have been patient with myself.

August goals: Take deep breaths. Have the courage to let my guard down more often. What is that guard actually good for, besides keeping myself locked in? Keep taking the kitty for daily outdoor adventures. It is going to be so fun taking her outside at the farm this weekend. :) And figure out how to let her go with an open heart when the time comes.

Develop my yoga practice

July: Asana and meditation practices obliterated by full-time job, full-time classes, and realizing I need more stability than flexibility.

August goals: Think about yamas and niyamas. Start with the basics, and breathe in the belly. Need strengthening.

Live in abundance

July: Accepted little things here and there. Doesn’t seem like much, but sometimes changing the little things is a bigger deal than changing the big stuff. This was progress. Think about all the stuff at the pool party. Good job, me.

August goals: There are so many kitty bills and broken car bills… don’t let them get me down. A week into August, a friend has helped me abundantly. Strange things have happened to give you small reprieves…. There is so much to be grateful for.

Cultivate a sustainable, inspiring career

July: Taking classes full time after work. Got amazing deal on table off craigslist. Made the right choice to not apply for south pole.

August goals: Really consider taking four nights of class all fall, and go for it. Go boldly and suck some marrow out of life. What I’m doing now isn’t cutting it, and the future is wide open…

Create a better living space

July: Made a list of things I appreciate about the housemate. That’s going alright. Totally failed at my Olympic bootcamp of decluttering.

August goals: Get rid of more things. Clutter is not healthy. Talk to housemate about rest of semester and choose to stay put.

Nourish vibrant health

June: Very hectic month with too much travel. Ramped up acupuncture during a period of transition. Mostly maintained healthy diet, got in hikes and even hit a gym once. Sunburned, not so good. Quality family time with two home visits and a couple of sister lunches, and excellent time with long-lost-friends. Started writing down feelings in a journal, but fell off after about a week. Said no to an obligation that was not healthy for me.

July goals: Sleep is a higher priority with night classes now. Preparing food on Sundays is key to healthy food through first half of each week. Still need to look at my food more while I’m eating it… slow down and be grateful :) Reduce acupuncture to 1-2x month. More water, fewer supplements? Also, feeling journal helps my digestion.

Trust my intuition

June: Part of my intuition this month involved better communication. And the biggest thing… jumping on an opportunity with my gut, instead of letting my brain shred it :D

July goals: Feeling journal, feeling journal, feeling journal… it’s the only way I’m actually going to take the time to listen to what’s happening in there and get out of my head. Sit and scan first, then write. DAILY or at least 3x/week.

Make openhearted decisions

June: Yesterday, I wondered what actually constitutes an open-hearted decision. This is going to take some pondering.

July goals: Continue to ask myself why I am choosing what I am choosing. There is still a large fear component in my decision-making. Add some reflection on this to the feeling journal. Let go of someone without closing them out… really a challenge.

Develop my yoga practice

June: Private yoga session developed some guidelines for my cikitsa. Practiced several times on my own, and used as many classes as I could on the expiring pass.

July goals: Cikitsa for integrating my legs. Return to other studio 1-2x/week until pass runs out in August. Be more mindful of muscle pairs and what actually needs balancing. Higher priority on the other 7 angas. Try to make it to one of the meditations per week.

Live in abundance

June: Trying to say yes more, to be open to receive. Used an abundance of tuition vouchers. Accepted little things like figs and grapes, and larger things like car mechanic work and healing touch. Still found myself saying no to things that I should have accepted; that is okay, room to grow :)

July goals: Continue to recognize and value the abundance in flexibility I have right now. Be more open to touch. Say yes as often as possible. Yes Man ?

Cultivate a sustainable, inspiring career

June: Finally understood why I have this boring job… to have the time, flexibility, and tuition vouchers to get a license in massage therapy. Making that decision quickly and getting into the courses has been an excellent gut decision. I feel very good there, even when nervous about not knowing how to do things. This helps with being open to receive, and practicing open-heartedness and connection with others. I’ve even worked harder and more efficiently at day job with less sleep.
Also talked to friend about south pole, a job I am not well-qualified for, but with an opportunity for amazing travel. Funny… travel was not a part of my 2012 vision. Maybe that needs to happen in a different year. My intuition wants to seize this health-oriented opportunity.

July goals: Keep up with night classes. Get sheets and table in the second half of this month or early August. Reflect on sending resume for south pole, or letting it go this time around.

Create a better living space

June: Put out vibes for a new place. Window-shopped a bit. Mostly laid low, and spent little time on this due to travel and time spent in night classes. Got rid of 3 boxes of stuff.

July goals: Continue to lay low. Frankly, too tired and busy to worry about the housemate situation, and seeing him less anyway. Moving would not be easy in this brutal heat or with this night class schedule. Get rid of more things. The less I have, the more mobile I will be when the opportunity arises.

Heck yeah, I’m gonna assess my progress on goals I didn’t know I had ;)

Nourish vibrant health

So far: Doing acupuncture twice per month. Stopped eating gluten, corn, soy, cow dairy. Avoiding nightshades and sugar. Drinking at least 4 L of water per day. Three visits to chiropractor. Yoga gaining consistency (more below). Have dusted off the bike and ridden more than the past two years combined. Been on several walks, slow-paced, admiring birds, usually with a companion or two. Have spent quality time with family. So far so good on this one :)

June goals: A good swift hike this weekend (see how the old shoes are). Hopefully will be okay with altitude and do my first 14er this month. Continue acupuncture twice per month. Do more cupping at home. Keep up with yoga. Spend time with friends. Look at my food more while I’m eating it… slow down :) Need to schedule a chiropractor visit. Further out, do a reiki attunement. Will ride bike more after summer heat.

Trust my intuition

So far: Well, this one hasn’t been so good for a long time. Doing major work in this area. Yoga and acupuncture have helped with some emotional blocks that make this one hard.

June goals: I’m not sure exactly how to get better at this. Maybe I need to write more things down when they pop up. I’ve been trying to notice more, and some things have shocked me. I changed a supplement this week and it turned out well… my gut instincts aren’t bad, I just don’t always listen to them.

Make openhearted decisions

So far: Sometimes I’m okay at this, but have made a lot of big decisions in the past few years out of fear. Both yes’s and no’s (Hey English majors, what is the right way to type that?! I have no idea!) are too-often coming from a place of being closed.

June goals: Put a different kind of thought into decision-making. At the very least, ask myself why I am choosing what I am choosing. Friend suggested I watch a Jim Carrey movie, Yes Man ;)

Develop my yoga practice

So far: Yoga immersion in January, then a lull, followed by practice 1xweek with teacher. Workshop in March, private session in May and June. The insight from my teacher Saturday was perfect timing.

June goals: Keep practicing yoga chikitsa from last Saturday. Did it Sunday and Wednesday mornings. Really want to start going to bed earlier and waking to practice for one hour every morning. That is my biggest goal on this topic. Also, use the 6 classes on the pass, and continue to go to other studio until pass runs out in August.

Live in abundance

So far: This needs an attitude change! I worry too much about what is missing instead of realizing what is here, especially with finances. I like the idea of writing in a notebook every time I spend money, to see if my spending is in line with my life goals. There are also non-monetary things I need to view as abundance.

June goals: Get a little notebook. Abundantly use the tuition vouchers I just received. Recognize and value the abundance in flexibility I have right now. Celebrate the frequent flyer miles and friends in Denver that make this upcoming trip possible.

Cultivate a sustainable, inspiring career

So far: Ugh. Current job is sustainable in stress, flexibility, and benefits, but is sooo uninspiring. I am not completely surprised that I’m this bored, but I had really looked forward to working here. I wonder a lot about why I can’t just be happy with this. I am sure it doesn’t help that the only person I interact with regularly hates our job. If I could also teach, that would be an improvement; teaching is a wonderful fit for me (unfortunately, the school I was at was not), and have applied for a relevant adjunct position. On other job fronts, I private tutored all semester, but was not paid in full even the half-price rate I offered my friend. I did enjoy it, and he is a friend… will probably chalk it up as business loss and learn a lesson. Have also been made a lovely offer to gain free experience on another front, which needs some bravery on my part, as well as 3 tuition vouchers for this summer and 3 for next year.

June goals: Chill for this month. Try to regenerate a spark for the job I’m in. Register for a night class. Talk to friend about south pole. Plan on scary goal for July.

Create a better living space

So far: I love my home, the location, the quietness, the landlord. I do not like living with my housemate, mostly because I do not like cleaning up after him or nagging him to do it himself. I don’t understand why this continues to be an issue. Well, and there is my lingering discomfort after his unwanted advances New Year’s Eve; things went downhill from there. Other options: plan for the higher expense of living alone or find a different housemate.

June goals: Lay low on this. Hell, some days I don’t even know if I want to stay in Austin. Get more clarity on job thing first. Until then, be more gracious with my housemate, and try not to sweat the kitchen messes, sweaty gym towels, etc. Work out a cleaning partnership—could it be that simple?

I’ve been pondering my resolutions for the remaining months of 2012 (and beyond?). It is important that my word choice be meaningful and inspiring to me, which has already improved by writing this entry.

Nourish vibrant health
Trust my intuition
Make openhearted decisions
Develop my yoga practice
Generate abundance
Cultivate a sustainable, inspiring career
Create a better living space

This seems like a lot! Briefly I thought this might need to be trimmed to make it more achievable, more focused. But I lean toward “no.” I’ve been on a small island for refueling for six months. I’m not refueled, and the map for the next leg of the trip is still missing, but the overhaul that began in spring 2011 is still full-on. It feels odd and disconcerting, to be in such a boring lull with a distinct undercurrent of uprootedness and unrest; to be on this precipice of change, not knowing what that change is going to be, just that it has to happen. Like the eye of an internal storm, that I shall brew just as I desire. There is just a hint that winds are picking back up. :)