Ten entries I had written for “let go” slipped my mind until I came to write one tonight. And I realized I am stuck in the same rut I was in last April. PaK’s advice is exactly what I needed to see at this moment. (Thank you, friend!) I “what-if” myself to oblivion. Which coincides perfectly with what I intended to post…
Chiron Trine Pluto
Learning to trust
Valid during many months (till the end of January): Under this influence you will become increasingly aware that all the truly important events in your life occur without your conscious intervention. This will help you to act with more calm and composure in those areas where you had difficulties in the past or found it hard to make any headway. You should now find it easier to deal with things in a relaxed manner, not brooding so morosely over your own failings and inadequacies. This will also help you to be more understanding when others make mistakes, making you more forgiving.
I don’t need to “what-if” because I don’t need to consciously intervene, to control everything. I don’t need to keep up this delicate balance of all the bits of universe in my brain, because if I let go, those bits of universe will not fall apart. No need to brood over my failings and inadequacies. No need to super congratulate my achievements. I didn’t make any of it happen, or fail to make any of it happen. Things just…happen.
What I haven’t had (and need to cultivate) is trust, in my decisions, in the people in my life, in the universe itself. Trust that it will all be okay, instead of feeling responsible for making everything okay. In my lack of power over all these bits, I should find calm.
Then I will realize there is nothing to hold on to after all.
I hope this clarity lasts more than these few moments. It is just weird, because sometimes I feel I quite powerful to make great changes happen. A responsibility to make the world a better place. As long as letting go does not deteriorate into shirking responsibility for the effects of my actions or inactions… Ohhh, losing clarity already…