Randomly distribute 33 magnetic Shakespearian insults.

I started randomly affixing my Shakespearian magnets to suitable surfaces while walking to my counselling session last week. When I saw an item of street furniture, like a sign or a trash can, which looked in need of brightening up, I’d dip into my pocket, grab the first magnet I touched, and slap it in place.

In the process it dawned on me it might be more entertaining to put a little thought into where I place each particular obloquy. I’ve already decided where I should place many of the ones still in my possession.

• “Out of my sight…” will go near the local neighborhood optometrist’s store.

• “Out, you green-sickness carrion!” is destined for the sign outside my doctor’s surgery.

• ”...I’d set my ten…” will be going to live close to a church.

and my own personal favorite placement,

• “Thou crusty batch of nature.” will soon be seen on a baker’s van.

I can only hope my townsfolk have a sense of humor.

I had my third counselling session today. I got to town earlier than planned, which gave me time to peruse the small charity shop I like to patronise. No sooner had I got through the door than I saw an item I had to have. Despite the fact I’m broker than the ten commandments I parted with my cash and became the proud owner of a collection of thirty-three magnets, each one printed with a delectable Shakespearian insult. My new mission in life is to attach them to any suitable surface as I walk the streets, in an effort to broaden the range of insults bandied about by the local population. I’m bored with one teenage tearaway calling another “You dickhead!”, I’d prefer them to say, “Thou elvish-mark’d abortive, rooting hog!”