be a good mother

Tomorrow around this time I will have a daughter! I am so excited, anxious, scared…I just want to meet her and hold her in my arms for the first time. While I am excited about meeting her, I’m nervous about leaving Anthony for three nights. Andres and I have been away from him that long before but when he was a little younger and didn’t really know the difference. He asks for us now when we aren’t around him for long periods of time so I hope he’s going to be okay. I’m really going to miss him. I’m scared about the surgery, too. With Anthony, I didn’t have time to be scared since it was an emergency c-section but since this time it’s planned, it’s all I’ve been thinking of. And finally, I’m worried about being a mother to two children. Will I have enough patience? Will I be good enough? So many questions and doubts and thoughts in my mind…I’m not sure I’ll even be able to sleep tonight.

I haven’t really talked to Andres about the way I’ve been feeling. I haven’t been feeling like the best mother lately because I’ve been getting so frustrated with Anthony and feel like I have no patience with him. So, it was odd to me that at one o’clock in the morning when Anthony was crying in his sleep and refusing to sleep in his bed that Andres made a comment about what a “good mother” I was. I held Anthony in my arms but whenever I would lay him back down, he would begin crying again. Finally Andres got up to lay on the couch with him and I stayed there with them for a few minutes rubbing Anthony’s belly. He finally drifted off to sleep and that was when Andres made that comment. It really surprised me, because at that time, I was thinking what a great dad he was for sleeping with him on the couch!

I need to work on my patience with Anthony. Lately, I seem to be getting so frustrated with him. I could chalk it up to being pregnant and just not having the energy to deal with his tantrums, but I really need to work on this, especially after I have Maya. I am going to be the mother of two children. I don’t think I am emotionally or mentally prepared for that and I think my nervousness is turning into frustration. I just need to remember to take a deep breath and realize that he is only a toddler going through so many changes. It has to be frustrating for him to try to express himself when he doesn’t have the words to yet.