From a journal entry; 2004
I think too much at times, travel too far deep inside of myself, into the darkness, unready to face the demons that lurk there giggling like mad children. So I leave them, and walk away, isolated in my confusion. I know that in order to truly be happy, I must begin to not only recognize these horrible facets within myself, but to familiarize myself with them, to even befriend them: the first step in the scary process of learning to love myself.
I now realize that this is a fluid art, constantly changing and evolving because I am constantly changing. I must learn to love all of the new mes as well as the five-year-old girl so full of innocence, the carefree and boycrazy twelve-year-old, the melancholy and unsure nineteen-year-old, and the person I am now at age twenty-two. How do I go about connecting all of these threads of myself together in order to weave a blanket of self-love? I’ve never learned how to completely love myself despite my flaws, or because of them.
It is sometimes much too easy to fall in love with someone, especially those undeserving of love. It is much too easy to become blind to the things you hate about the one you love because you are filled with love for them. The hardest thing someone can ever do is to simply learn how to love themself.
There is a resistance for me…
