Maybe I should have put this entry under this goal!
Ms. Sunflower of the FLIRTY Plains has written 20 entries about this goal
and am feeling better, physically, so I guess I’ll rethink giving up on this goal!
More specifics from my Yahoo Personals relationship report
“The only way to stop repeating past patterns is to recognize what you’re doing to create them. Here are three steps you can take to break the cycle:”
Try being a squeaky wheel. Easygoing people like you are often overlooked when it comes time to hand out caring and support. It’s true that the “squeaky wheel gets the grease,” and since you don’t “squeak” a lot, your partner may wrongly assume that you don’t need or want support. For men who want to take care of the one they love, you’re going to have to be more up-front about your needs to make him feel needed.
Be less forgiving and more judgmental…Seriously! You’re such a warm and forgiving person by nature, you tend to overlook or explain away people’s shortcomings and bad behavior. This generous attitude works fine for co-workers, and sometimes for friends, but it can be disastrous in romance. Just as you would do a safety check before flying a plane, it’s important to look for basic skills and potential malfunctions before embarking on a relationship. This doesn’t mean you need to write off a date the first time he uses poor grammar. Some faults and actions are worse than others. Be very cautious if a man criticizes you or blatantly overlooks your feelings, especially during early dates, when he should be on his best behavior. Also, get your friends and family to run “safety checks” on your dates, too, and don’t immediately throw away their reports!
Our brains are wired to seek out and create familiar situations. That’s why we often find ourselves having the same types of exchanges over and over again with each new partner. Familiarity is comfortable, and our minds would rather be comfortable than happy. Every time you repeat a relationship pattern, it becomes deeper ingrained and harder to break.
When I read the specific information in this section of my Yahoo Personals relationship report, it was like reading my autobiography! Yikes! I had no idea, mostly because I hadn’t looked:
You need to find a less critical and neglectful partner.
All serious relationships bring a mixture of good stuff (such as caring, support, and acceptance) and bad stuff (such as criticism, neglect, and manipulation). In the test, when you looked back on your last relationship, you recalled giving more good stuff than he did, while he gave more of the bad stuff.
Specifically, you often felt ignored and neglected by your Ex. He was probably a very independent man who needed a lot of “space.” However, based on what you described, it sounds like he intentionally excluded you from his life at times and put up emotional barriers, too. You probably came to feel very lonely, even when the two of you were together.
Part of the profile process on eharmony includes making a list of must haves and can’t stands to share with prospective dates. Eharmony does this by providing a list of choices from which you must select 10 for each list. The following are the items I selected for each list…now I need to evaluate it and add or takeaway items.Must Haves:
- I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life;
- I must have someone with a similar deep commitment to spirituality, who shares my Christian beliefs;
- I must have a partner who is committed to marriage, home, and family;
- I must have a partner who is willing to accept outside help for personal or relationship issues that are serious and important;
- I must have someone I can count on to always support me (loyalty);
- I must have a partner who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community and/or social causes;
- I must have a partner who enjoys people and is generous with his or her compassion, attention, sympathies and love;
- I must have someone who is comfortable giving and receiving affection;
- I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing;
- I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.
- I can’t stand someone who is so tightfisted as to be impractical;
- I can’t stand someone who is inclined to rowdy, vulgar or disrespectful behavior when “having fun”;
- I can’t stand someone who is belittling, impatient or hateful to people in any situation;
- I can’t stand someone who sees material items as a measure of success;
- I can’t stand someone who believes that any particular ethnic group to which they belong is superior to the rest of humanity;
- I can’t stand someone who takes advantage of people;
- I can’t stand someone who uses illegal recreational drugs;
- I can’t stand someone who has a devious nature and is mean to others;
- I can’t stand someone who is overly interested in their physical appearance;
- I can’t stand someone who is obnoxiously cocky.
On one site I keep getting “winks” from men, but no actual messages. I can’t figure out if it is because they are shy or because they haven’t paid the membership fee, so can’t send a message. Also, most of them don’t write anything about themselves…which I find hard to understand…WHY put yourself out on something like that if you are not going to do it right and share info about yourself and what you are looking for?
Another interesting thing about that site is that most of my “winks” seem to come from far distances….including a very high number from California…I can’t figure that out either…don’t they have any single women in California?
Date younger! (Thanks for this idea from Joyjoei)
Date older! (Thanks for this idea from an anonymous source)
Date “perceivers” rather than “judgers”! (Thanks for this idea from Bo)
Date men who like the way I flirt! (This one’s just obvious, I didn’t need any help with it)
from Date More to Date SMARTER!!!
DATE MORE –
men who are not so spacey;
men who are not so focused on whether they are in their free time on their cell phone;
men who aren’t so lazy about actually calling you and asking you out ahead of time;
men who don’t cancel out of a date and then IM when you aren’t even on line telling you to call so you can get together (get a clue);
men who don’t think that if you don’t have sex on the first date then there is no chance for a romance (get real)!
OK, I think anyone who is interested can get the picture!!!
I’ll try to have a more postive outlook on my next entry.
Ms. Sunflower of the FLIRTY Plains has gotten 163 cheers on this goal.
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