post randomly

Does she do the things she does? I just can’t understand why she feels the need to hurt me all the time. I can’t take her stupid games! I hate her, and how she makes me feel.
Another thing i just don’t get is why i let her get to me, i mean i’ve had 17 years of practice. But still she can get to me even through a nasty comment, she just never stops.
And why do i never lay the blame on her?! I always take it out on myself, god, it’s so confusing.

I just don’t get it.

empty right now, to say the least. There is a hole, there always has been, but it’s getting bigger. I feel…alone, empty, i know i feel something, or mabey it’s because i feel nothing. Do you ever just want to give up? Does anyone ever feel so alone when you’re surrounded by people? And even worse when you’re actually with people you know?
Mabey it’s just me, i am not very social, i talk (but most likely listen) to my friends, and strangers sometimes, but i can’t really handle being around ALOT of people at once, even if i know them. I think it’s because i know i don’t belong with them, i’m not like them.
But i don’t think that’s whats wrong, i feel like i have had my best friend tooken from me, or even a lover. Mabey it’s just this place.

There was a beautiful sunset tonight;the land was in total darkness and all that could be seen was the outline of the hills and the red horizon. As i began to look futher up from the horizon, the sky gradually darkened, and directly above me was the radiant cresent moon. I feel like i have learnt so much from our grandmother, from the earth, from the winds when i stand on mountains, and from the river i swam in as a child.
But i think the greatest gift given to us is the rain, i use any excuse to go out in it, and when i’m alone in nature, i stretch out my arms, look up at the sky, and spin and spin.
And the stars at night, that i gaze at in wonder as they look apon us, and guide us on our paths (although i did freeze my ass off last night because the sky was really clear and i wanted to sit outside-but it was worth it).
Sometimes i wish i could just get up and go, just start running like Forrest Gump or something, and although there would obviously be hard time, i would love every minute, it would be bliss.

What is everyone doing for 14th February? Unless, of course, you think it’s a stupid event, then tell me about it anyway.

Oh my, what the hell was the point of telling me that, i already knew you never wanted me! But you had me as an excuse to get out of a bad relationship! Your a strong person, you could have done it yourself, not bring me into the equation.
I’m glad he nearly fucking killed you! You deserved to die for what you’ve pulled.
But at least i understand why you treat me like this now. It’s because you didn’t need me after you told him to get out – see, it wasn’t that hard to do it yourself.
And because you wouldn’t abort me like the other babies you couldn’t give a shit about, I had to raise you, like you were a spoilt little brat.
I can’t believe you!
I don’t need you, I never have!
I didn’t need you when i had to cook for you and make you tea and sit by you on your bed while you complained about your hangovers.
I didn’t need you when you promised to come and meet me after school to go out and i had to come to the pub and wait for four hours until you told me just to go home and you’d see me later.
I didn’t need you when you let that wife beater, dog murdering bastard in or home and you let him kick the shit out of you and Shane. And when i remember him being in my room with me.
The truth is you needed me, who did i have mum?
And your really surprised that i became so messed up?
I really can’t believe you sometimes, you make everything decay.