I am just so frickinfrackin tired of wasting my time, my energy, my attention, my emotion on unproductive anger. For almost 20 years i have struggled with the unasked for understanding that the human world is pretty FUCKED UP. Most people don’t notice even half of the stuff that drives me nuts nearly every day. Like:
because of a lack of relational thinking in the fields of product design, automotives and urban infrastructure, my infant son’s buggy is exactly the right height so that exhaust blows more or less into his face. Now, if i wasn’t a broke-ass student I could afford the kind of buggy that Gwyneth Paltrow had, in which the baby rides much higher. Thanks guys, now my son has shifted to the wrong end of the statistical scale of who gets lung cancer. A lifetime of shit like this is how people who seem healthy get cancer.
I can’t even buy a jar of goddamn apple sauce, as every single brand in the mainstream shops has apple flavouring in it. It’s all apples, what the hell else is it going to taste like? Am I insane for wanting a jar of only apples without having to go to a special store for it? I could make it myself but sometimes i’m in a hurry.
I could go on and on: we all could. But I can’t take it any more. It’s making me ill, and it shortens my life (it’s true, many studies show happy people live longer and healthier lives). It’s also a terrible example for my boy. My mother is a veteran whiner, though she doesn’t realise it. When i spend too long with her it drives me mental. I have to root out this inheritance before I pass it on.
This is not going to make all the terrible things go away, but it does diminish their control over me. This is a victory. By making this decision, I choose to not let the bastards get me down. Righteous and motivating anger can be useful but there’s so much I can’t fix. I just have to let it go.
As for people, it comes down to comedy. it’s hard to be angry when you’re laughing, and a good laugh, even at someone’s staggering idiocy, can burn off the excess energy of anger rather than letting it simmer without an outlet. It is almost impossible not to find something a little funny in every situation, life-or-death moments not withstanding.
The next step: martial arts…
