lose 10 kilograms

So… my name is rowie (shepherd in hebrew), i’m from israel, 20 years old guy, 21 in march, currently sarving on the israeli army and two months from now a civilian.
it’s funny really, though I didn’t gave any information from which someone in israel might recognize me, and though in a way the fact that I haven’t seen anyone from israel surfing here helped me open up to you –
In a way, i’m writing this dawn in hope that someone from israel might read it, and he will fall in love with me and come to save me, from my self.
I’ve been throw quite a lot of things in the last 20 years and they made me more mature, yet my dream remained as they were. I need to believe someone will here me, I need to believe in fire, in light, warmth, in a kiss, I a hug.
I’ve been told by my family most of my life that I’m beautiful. Other people – none family members told me that “if only” I were to lose weight…. than I’ll be beautiful, than would people really start to look at me. They told me I have potential. By those people, I was currently ‘easy on the eyes’ but no more than that.
When so many people are telling you that you have potential it makes you somewhat scared. What if you do lose weight, and you want be beautiful, and quite guys want approach you on the bus, and you want start walking in streets with your head high, proud of your body, your face, your eyes, your lips, gods made.
So many things that I hope to achieve in my life are contacted in my mind with those dreams.
Though, I’m am trying to lose weight, in the back of my head something is always there, and it makes me afraid I suppose, it makes me afraid of the future, future in which I would be thin, or a future in which I’ll remain over weight.