I’m not sure if I ever recovered from the loss of my lovely little job or not, but I’m mostly used to working full time now and there are changes in store, so I feel safe retiring this goal. I’m not sure it’s completed, but I’m letting go!
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wlake has written 7 entries about this goal
Last Friday, I was crying in the doctor’s office, saying I was just too overwhelmed and unable to manage everything. This Friday, I worked on small household tasks all day without really stopping, and I feel like it’s possible again. I don’t know if that’s because I only had to work for 2 days this week between the holiday and the snow (and one of those was a shortened day!), because I was just in a bad spot last week, or because I really am figuring out how to do this.
Today, for the first work day ever since the big change, I feel like recovering is possible. I have a new plan; now I need the strength and stamina to follow through and not get sucked into time-wasting pursuits or drown in the details. I’ve got some help tentatively lined up to take over some of the non-teaching work (mostly copying) and am seriously considering a housekeeper twice a month to take over some of the cleaning here at home.
The house is still a mess (perhaps even worse as I’ve started to collect the Christmas decorations to put them away), but I have two prepared-and-ready 2011 calendars! One is the home calendar and the other is my school planner. I hadn’t started it in Aug. like I usually do and I’d let my day planner go blank, so I dropped the ball on a couple of important things this fall. I’ve also discovered a difficult scheduling conflict for Feb., but I’ll just have to live with it at this point. However, now all three calendars are up and running!
But I’m getting better. The holidays are almost behind us (just one more two day visit to my mother-in-law’s to manage!), and then I have 4 days left of my vacation to get the house back in order, the schoolwork done, and everything prepped for all of us to have a smooth reentry back into our school/work lives.
I’m trying to take smaller steps and trying to accomplish fewer things with less guilt.
(And yes, I’m still dehydrated and cranky!)
I’ve realized if I’m well hydrated I’m less cranky and much less likely to yell at the boys, so part of this recovery is going to be to drink more water or tea or whatever. (The downside to this is that the new job only allows two bathroom breaks during the day at prescribed times and only one break on Wednesdays. This is a little worrisome and might have contributed to me getting so dehydrated in the first place.) So I’ve been taking a tea (12 oz.) in with me every morning along with my 20 oz. water bottle. I’m trying harder to drink the water before I leave for home.
Another small step!
I’ve been grieving the loss of what was probably the best job I’ve ever had, and it’s time for me to start looking ahead. I still have a job and it’s really not a bad one, even if it’s not what I really want. I’ve cried and yelled for almost 6 weeks now, so I need to start doing things that are going to create a positive change for me. I’m not entirely sure what they are, but here’s my spot for them.
I started with a prioritized to-do list this weekend. It’s a three day weekend here, and at the end of day two, I’ve only done 5 of the 13 high-priority items. I’ve done 26 of the 62 total items though. (Yes, I know that 62 things are way too many to do in three days, especially considering that some are biggies, like “sort through all of the boys’ winter clothes and see what fits.” I’ve written them all down to try to stop things from falling through the cracks.) I’m getting offline to tackle “make pillowcase.”