overcome my fear of public speaking

the plan to actively participate in class discussions has paid off.
last night we had our second group presentation, and i introduced ours to the group and also discussed my contribution to the project.

i didn’t flinch (well, perhaps once or twice), and i remember that i conducted the introduction with grace and style. i actually excelled my own expectations.

well, i was on beta blockers, but who cares? if only my liver didn’t mind, i’d form a happy long-term relationship with the medication…

i don’t think i’ll b going to the toastmasters again for a while. i just don’t feel good about the environment for now. the trauma the toastmasters experience brought me just isn’t worth it, i think.

i’ve found another way. i’ll actively participate in the media relations course that i’m taking right now, and that should do for a nice replacement of the ‘table topics’ toastmasters challenge.

this way i’ll kill two birds with one stone: i’ll practice impromptu short speeches, and also i’ll contribute towards my class participation mark.

everybody wins!

so far, after two classes, i’ve noticed that i feel comfortable contributing to the general discussion, and that’s a good start.

i’m back to the toastmasters group again, after a longish while.

tonight i must make sure i take my beta blockers in time and PREVAIL!!! (not a biggie :P)

^{oh man, my tummy tumbles when i think about getting up and speaking there…}

but ‘i’ll b back!’ as arnold said.

just give me time. i’ve already arranged for a mentor, a nice lady who also happens to b a designer.
this should b fun, i just don’t feel up to it at the moment.

tonight at toastmasters – one table topic and introduction of toastmaster.

the first one was semi-failure, as in mid-speech my mind went blank. i recovered though. those failures are good xperiences too, as i get used to them. the prospect of an upcoming failure is no longer as terrifying, therefore i feel more comfortable, and logically, the success rate should increase slowly.

the intro to toastmaster was quite good. i enjoyed it too.

i’ll b participating 2x at each toastmasters meeting from now on. i’ve noticed that the first time warms me up, and the second participation is far better.

slowly but surely, i will succeed.

interesting. i don’t know if the beta blocker is working or not, as i’m prasticing my presentation portion.

the tip of my tonque went numb when i crushed the pill and swallowed half of it.

interesting.

are what i needed all along!

welcome to the bright new world, where all u need to b happy is prozac, and all u need to b confident in front of crowds are beta-blockers (not to b confused with beta-testers).

i got a prescription for a beta-blocker to get me through a series of upcoming presentations. i just need to take a pill (or only half of one), about an hour before the presentation, and apparently all physical symptoms of my public speaking anxiety will b gone.

the funny thing is that the doctor asked me to ‘practice’ feeling the pill having an effect on me. i’ll take one over the weekend at home i guess. perhaps i’ll try to make a presentation for myself at the same time. could b interesting.

apparently the pills can lower your blood pressure to the point where you pass out, so i need to know the specific response of my body.

although, on second thought, i wouldn’t mind passing out in class during a presentation. at least it would b all over instantly. and a boring class would go through like a breeze for me.

but then again, it wouldn’t b so much fun for the others.

i’ll try and not pass out for the benefit of the rest of the class.

^{i’m not on any medication whatsoever, prozac or such included, and anti-depressants can be evil, i suspect… people give up too easily.}

pre-presentation night at school last night – i volunteered to present our group’s project to the group, not like any of the other girls would do it anyway…

interesting how i get this physical sensation like pressure in the room rises; it feels like my head is going to implode, i hear the subtlest buzzing inside… and it feels like i’m on the verge of a total flunk, and almost like i stop myself from getting it done well. but it’s just a stupid pre-presentation only…

i think i may suffer from stage fright.
anywhere else i’m irrepressible.

is there something i can do for stage fright?

i’m in a part-time marketing communications program, and there will be two presentations at the end of november. i need to b out there and with nonchalant confidence unveil the promotional strategy in front of ‘board of directors’.

i feel sick when i think about that moment, but I MUST PREVAIL.
no way out.

i will make it.

i’m already a member, participating actively in each meeting, but being out there and making something up on the spot still feels like a near-death experience.

but i know i’ll get over it. all i need is time and practice. and a lot of determination, but that i was born with.

:)