stop complaining

One of the comics I read Retail centers around Marla, the put upon assistant manager at the fictional Grumbels Department store. For the holiday season, Marla is trying to maintain a positive mental attitude which means doing away with her usual sarcasm.

It didn’t occur to me that sarcasm is a form of complaining until I read this.

I find that I feel better, that I move through challenges more easily when I don’t complain about them, and I find it hard not to slip into complaining mode, particularly with one coworker around.

I need to set my mind to this goal more fully as I’ve already seen the benefits. December is another month, after all.

My employer did a second round of layoffs last Friday and while I still have a job, I am a department of one again.

It is difficult not to complain about management’s failings when they are so obviously missing steps that would be better for the organization’s long term health.

To do this, I have to focus on what is in front of me, on the day-to-day tasks that need to be done. And I also have to redraw my boundaries and remind myself that every problem is not mine to solve because complaining is just a way of engaging problems over which I have no control, problems I should not be engaging in the first place.

The not complaining experiment has been going well. It has lead to a lot of honesty which I’m frankly surprised at; I thought I was basically a “tell it like it is” kind of person anyway.

Had a small slip today, though. I caught myself complaining about a project. It felt bad while I was doing it. There is a lesson here.

Today was the first day my month of not complaining experiment got tested in the real world (weekends are easy; they are under my control. no subway hassles, no work related foolishness).

One of my co-workers did a 15 minute barrage of complaints not more than 5 minutes after she got to work today (our building sucks because the elevators take too long, she has too much work, her commute is hell (it is but it’s also her choice to live 3 hours from where she works)) and listening to it felt like I was being physically battered. It felt good to not engage, to not get caught in that spiral of powerlessness.

More experiment to follow the rest of the month.

...I’m going to try not complaining for a month.

This doesn’t mean that I can’t rightfully evaluate something as unsatisfactory (e.g.: if the service is bad, I have a right to speak up about it) but it does mean that I need to shift my attitude about things I find unsatisfactory.

If I don’t like it I have two choices: lump it or do something about it (do something about it has a lot of sub-choices like: appeal to a higher authority (yes, I’d like to speak to your supervisor), confront the person (no, really, I don’t appreciate your shoulder bag hitting me in the face; thanks so much), or make the change myself (dirty dishes in the office sink go on that counter; your mama doesn’t work here).

I’m hoping this will help me focus on the good stuff and get out of the increasingly more frustrating situation I find myself in. If nothing else, this will keep me from getting into the complaint spiral with my co-workers (not getting dragged into that is going to be a challenge).