fall in love with someone who loves me too

you know what sucks?

finding an amazing guy who’s crazy for you, and who you get along amazingly well with…

but who you just aren’t attracted to.

what sucks even more is that i kind of led him on, thinking maybe i’d get that spark later….and it didn’t happen.
i always manage to get myself into messes.

as usual, i fucked it up.

just once, i would like to be able to have things go well for more than like, a month.

it;s so weird. i’m such a commitment phobe, yet in the back of my mind i know that’s what i want. but as soon as things start to get serious, i bolt.

things are going so so so well.

i can barely believe that it’s happening to me…
he’s amazing.

I’m excited…I feel like things are going my way this time.
I don’t wanna jinx it…things are going oh-so-well right.

I wouldn’t say I love him, it’s far too early- but I do really like him.

I guess this goal should really be, “stop hooking up with innapropriate guys.”

I really should have learned my lesson by now.

I know that I have a major problem with commitment.
I mean…just look at my past “relationships.”

I bail out the second things get serious.
What am I doing?

I’m only happy when it’s totally commitment-free, and unserious.
It really doesn’t help my reputation, to be honest.

Whatever, I’m still young…

I really haven’t been doing well at this.
But I guess it isn’t anythign that you can force.

It’s irritating to me that in English there’s only one way to express love…
In Spanish we have words for the different kinds of love.
I don’t want to be someone who just flings it around and doesn’t mean it….