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wraiths82 in Anywhere is doing 36 things including…

find love

20 cheers

 

wraiths82 has written 10 entries about this goal

This song frames how I feel & is an awesome song..

“Illegal”
(feat. Shakira & Carlos Santana)

Who would have thought
That you could hurt me
The way you’ve done it?
So deliberate, so determined

And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you’re so far away
When I’m still so close

You don’t even know the meaning of the words “I’m sorry”
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you’re still alive, baby
You don’t even know the meaning of the words “I’m sorry”
I’m starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman’s heart

I tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted
Always supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong?
I’m wondering for days and hours
It’s here, it isn’t here where you belong

Anyhow, anyhow
I wish you both all the best
I hope you get along

But you don’t even know the meaning of the words “I’m sorry”
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you’re still alive, baby
You don’t even know the meaning of the words “I’m sorry”
I’m starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman’s heart

You don’t even know the meaning of the words “I’m sorry”
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you’re still alive, baby
You don’t even know the meaning of the words “I’m sorry”
I’m starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman’s heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman’s heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman’s heart


The lyrics in the song appeal to me. I feel like this stanza:

You don’t even know the meaning of the words “I’m sorry”
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you’re still alive, baby
You don’t even know the meaning of the words “I’m sorry”
I’m starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman’s heart

speaks the most to me. It frames my past relationships with guys and just makes me aware that right now maybe it’s just better to shelf this goal and not worry so much about finding love. Hmm…where’s Mr. Right when you need him?



Way I feel about this can be described in a song..

Deana Carter… “Count Me In”

Could there be a different ending
To the same old story
Cause you’re not the first to say
You’re gonna be there for me
I need to know what’s in your heart
Can you finish what you start
How can I be sure I won’t be sorry

If heartaches and tears and shadows of doubt
Are part of the deal, you can count me out
But if you’re talking about a game I can win
You can count me in

When you tell me you’re the one
I’ve always needed
You don’t know how much I’m wanting
To believe it
But I’ve heard it all before
Now I’m needing something more
A promise is no good if you can’t keep it

If heartaches and tears and shadows of doubt
Are part of the deal, you can count me out
But if you’re talking about a game I can win
You can count me in



Just found another goal that seems to relate back to this..

I want…. (hear drum roll?)

to…

BE HELD!

Now if only the current guy I’m involved with would get the picture! I’m tired of the phone calls, I want to be held! Some human contact dahlings…

If wishes were horses that beggers could fly…



Love feels hopeless..currently..

It’s really sad that for a long while you can feel so good about this goal. Especially if you are with someone new and they’re treating you better then your last boyfriend. However, when it turns to them not calling you back, ignoring phone calls and just not being honest, this is when I despair of finding love.

What’s strange is I know I can be happy without a man. I miss some but not enough to go out and find one. These guys are finding me usually at the time I don’t give a flying frig about ‘em. I was watching a movie with my niece and she made the comment I was thinking of-”Nice guys finish last.” Almost every guy I’ve met/dated has shown the nice face at first but then the layers are stripped away. The person that remains is a scary sight indeed. I don’t understand why there isn’t the honesty. It saves a ton of hassles and time.

It’s like I said though, things can be fine for a long time. To the point where I’m starting to think well maybe this will work out, and BAM it’s nolonger good or even worth it anymore. It severely aggravates me and tires me out when I think about it.



Aggravation...rehabilitation..

Ok, I admit. This goal is perhaps my most…difficult..challenging..aggravating..I could go on, but I won’t. ((bet you’re thinking thank goodness for that!...Just joking of course))

Anyhow, I’m dating someone new. Well even that is messed up. Only been on two dates since October and he’s been in the hospital since. I just..get so aggravated looking around and seeing couples and they look so happy. I seem to never get that with any of my past boyfriends. That is something I think I’ve yearned for more then I have any crush.

Most of the time, I can shrug it off. Right now, it’s bugging me because I like having someone around to cuddle with and just..I don’t know, listen to how my day was and talk to me like they’re glad I’m there, and vice versa.

Still not having much luck in this department. When I feel loved by a guy, I will check this off. Currently though…much remains to be seen.



Friends..

I’ve been plagued by thoughts of what if I don’t meet someone who wants to marry me? What if I never have a healthy(in my mind) relationship with a guy? Lots of what if’s going on there. Anyhow, I’m stewing over my latest friend who’s popped back up in my life. He’s someone I’ve known awhile now.

First thing is, we’ve never met in person. He knew my sister first online and then I started talking with him. Well, he sort of became more my friend along the way. Anywho, we’ve talked about meeting for ages now. Especially as I now have my own apartment. I think he was worried before about my parents, he doesn’t seem to have good experiences with mothers at all. Well, his pattern, best as I’ve figured is he calls every couple of months. Usually late at night and usually just for awhile. It’s kind of like an update and let me know he’s still breathing. He’s a great guy who I feel like he’s had what I’ve experienced with guys except he’s experienced them with women. I’ve always wished him the best and had realized he was (forgive me if you don’t like the labelling concept) in my friend box. So that way I didn’t feel hurt if he didn’t call for ages, didn’t get emotionally overattached(as I often do!) and could still talk with him. I don’t know about everyone else, but I am not someone who can be really great friends with someone I’ve dated. Something seems to break it down.

I’m rambling a bit but this is making me feel better, which is a good thing, believe me. Anyhow, this friend called me late the other night. I was teasing him about something, I forget what when he asked me why I’d changed. Well, I was kind of taken aback. So we talked about that, as briefly 2 or 3 years ago, we’d been much more serious about meeting and had started to seriously talk on the computer. Well, that fizzled out and I’d moved on. I’m not saying I didn’t still care about him or sometimes even think of him in that more..boyfriend way, I’d just given it up pretty much. You know that saying, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me…no fooling me a third time? Well that’s how I felt about him and that whole situation. Well any ways with that call, we ended up talking for 3 hours! I didn’t sleep much. He seemed to want to possibly get together and become something more then friends.

Yeah, well I mean I’m hopeful in a way but really trying not to start hoping much. I haven’t had much luck with guys and such but I don’t want to be bitter about it. I’ve had some rough times but I want those times that are..movie moments. You know, the part of the love story in the movies that is timeless and cherished? That memory of that moment I can keep even when I’m old and gray.

More of my girlfriends, classmates and younger family seem to be getting engaged or married. I feel like saying “What about me?” I don’t want to feel envious about their happiness but in a way I am. I want that. I console myself with thinking “Jeez, you’re young-you’ve got plenty of time!” But then that scary thought creeps in “You could die tomorrow for all you know!” Boy am I morbid. Plus I want to experience love from someone who’s not related to me! I want to experience the physical stuff again, the romance and all that.

Glad to have all that off my chest. It gets pretty lonely here and I really didn’t feel like going out right now to get myself out of that semi blue/black mood. I haven’t even experienced all consuming love yet but I’m seeing it’s really like that song “Love Hurts”.

update

Last entry I’ve concluded after much thought, that the guy is just toying with me and enjoys doing so. So I’m going to go back to my state of indifference with him and do my best to maintain that.



*evil grin*

Ok…when men play games, I start to feel a liiiiii-ttle evil. And when I feel evil…it’s not good to be on the receiving end of my evilness. This is the time when I want to just give back as badly as I’ve been given. However, I will not be doing this. Yet the thought is still in my mind. Besides, I just watched Monster-in-Law which was a great laugh, and pick-me-up. Especially after tearing up at “Moon River” song that’s in Sex and the City’s episode I Heart NY. I will get over my evil/wicked/vindictive moment have no fear…for my sane side is still here! cackle ;) Kidding folks, just needed a laugh, it’s been one of those days. Trying to get answers and just no responses seem to be coming….



The saga continues...

Sometimes, wait, I take that back. Anytime recently I think about this whole situation, I just feel …..in a word, in a nutshell….PATHETIC. And you know, that’s not my favorite feeling. In fact, because of that feeling, I’ve taken to staying in more then ever. I don’t exercise, which I had started getting better. I alternately eat healthy and then bad. Amazingly, on a side note, I have lost 12 lbs in a month. I know…go figure.

Back to the subject of love. Ok…my continuing saga of torment…

and believe me if you were going through it, I think you would be tortured
as well. Anywho…ok, my patience ran out, after waiting 3 weeks to
see if he’d call or show, I went again, to see him at his work.
He never looks surprised to see me. He doesn’t smile either. Bad signs
perhaps. Anyhow, I asked him point-blank, “Do you want to break up?”
“Do you want to be together?” He said “Yes, I want to be together/with
you” Which was great, because I really expected to hear, “No.
Get lost” So…..again, he says, “I’ll call tonight” and I make triply
sure, get home tonight, and of course, he hasn’t called. What the frick
is up with that? I know he told me he’s working 2 jobs now, both really
are like full time…I mean I understand all that. But if you want to be
with someone, don’t you make time for them?

Correct me if I’m wrong, or if you have another slant on this because
believe me I want to hear it. At the rate this is going, by the time he
calls/comes to see me, maybe I’ll have lost 12 more lbs…or taking past
month into example, it may be more like 24 more lbs. Kind of a nice thought before getting to the factor
of not seeing him for 2 more months.
I don’t know if I could handle that. Back to the subject, if you want to be in a relationship…don’t you have to make time
for things with that person?

Comments please!  Blessed be.



is this love on the rocks or has it already sunk?

August 20, 2005
or rather revealed all that is going on in my messed
up life. Another weekly installment seems now due.
End of June, I met Logan. Logan became more
like a live-in guest. He was here all the time from
the end of June to the beginning of July. Then stuff
started happening with his mom and grandma.
So I started seeing him less and less. He also
works for the competitor’s grocery chain Publix.
He works alooooooooot of hours there. So basically
about the second week of July I didn’t see Logan like
at all. This was after all of the really nice times
when he’d show up or call saying he missed me etc.
So I panicked a bit. I left a bunch of messages on
his cell, fought the inner battle about going to his
work. Well after so many days of no word, I went to
his work. Made plans with him to see him again.
However, and this is the pattern(I’ve gone several
times now) we make plans to see each other but then
he doesn’t show. He doesn’t call either. I’ve asked
him the past 2 times when I visited him, “Are we ok?
Are we still together?” He tells me yes.
We did have a talk before all this started
that he told me I was an angel and he was so happy
to have me in his life. He hasn’t spoken with me
since. I feel like his words are still ringing in
my ears. I know and remember what he has told me.
However….the question lingers..
Am I stupid to believe that he is still my
boyfriend? Should I push him for more time, or
rather any time together? I know his mom is in
the hospital and last time I went to see him I found
out he’d been in the hospital too. It worries me
that he doesn’t call me at all. I can understand
worrying, but I don’t understand why he doesn’t
talk to me at all about any of it. Am I wrong for
feeling like this?
Also….
I want to know…should I just wait
indefinitely until he makes the move to call or see
me? So far after a week or so every week, I have
gone to see him at his work. It reassures me somehow.
I don’t necessarily like it but I understand the
feeling. I’m trying this time around to wait for him
to make a move. However, how long should I wait?
Three weeks? A month? 2 months? What???
Most of the time I keep myself busy. I
mean it’s not like I’ve had wonderful experiences
when it comes to my love life or dates. But I feel
like whatever I have with Logan is worth waiting for
him. I enjoy being with him. He makes me laugh,
smile and feel…I don’t know more special when I’m
with him.
It hurts that he seems to have forgotten
me now.

Hello again, I know it's been awhile since I last wrote

Ok…if anyone has any suggestions or comments feel
free to share. I needed to confide to someone
who isn’t related by blood to me. Now that it’s
out there, tell me what you think of the situation.
:) Blessed be.



so what about love?

Well, shoot, almost all the girls I’ve known in the past have wanted to find love. For the longest time I was obsessed about finding someone who’d love me. Right now, I’m currently tired of looking. So I’m enjoying the other things in life. I still would love to find love, where I love him and he loves me…and we live so happily. I mean that would be awesome, but right now the odds aren’t looking so good.
After surfing around this place a little more, maybe I should modify this a bit, I’d definitely like to find someone who loves me and that I can love back. I remember seeing Alfie and just loving it. The one that’s with Jude Law. Anyhow, it just hit me how much everyone’s lives connect. Maybe love is out there somewhere waiting for me. I’ll hope anyhow. :)



wraiths82 has gotten 20 cheers on this goal.

 

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