be honest

For the last two or three weeks I’ve been fretting about a situation at work and whether to tell my wife about it.

I was afraid she’d be mad at the people I work with, so I didn’t tell her. That sort of thing has gotten me in trouble lately.

So this morning during the staff meeting my boss tells everyone I’m moving my desk. So when I went home for lunch I just told her that my boss wants me to move because he wants my desk.

She said: “I don’t care where you sit.”

All that worry because at first I thought she’d be mad, then because I hadn’t told her, and it wasn’t a problem. And even if it was a problem, dealing with it would have been less stressful than all the worry.

I’m going to learn from these lessons!

We were out to dinner with friends Saturday (I work with the husband) and he asked me about a situation at work that I hadn’t told my wife about.

Basically, I’d made a pitch for more responsibility (supervising a new employee), and while the bosses made positive comments about my idea, they never said yes. On the 17th I point-blank asked my boss about things, and he said the new employee and I would each have our own responsibilities, meaning I wouldn’t be supervising her. I was so surprised that I didn’t question him. And I didn’t tell my wife about it. In the meantime shes been thinking I’m getting a promotion of sorts and possibly a raise. I was going to tell her, but did not, thinking I could make another run at it somehow, which is pretty naive. She had even asked me questions about this work situation and I did not say anything.

My friends question at dinner basically exposed my lack of honesty, and it lead to a very ugly situation at home later. She would not have been mad at me for not getting the promotion. But she was very angry I had lied to her.

There have been many times I have not told my wife things because I wanted to shield her from unpleasantness. But seeing the pain this lie caused, I realize now that I have to be honest with her in the future.

A big situation came up at work and I wanted to go in, but pretended not to so my wife wouldn’t be mad. She wouldn’t have been mad if I’d explained in the first place I wanted to work, though there might have been some discussion.

I took her with me for part of the day, which ended up being a disaster because I had to leave her alone in the car while I went off with some other people for my job. It was supposed to be only half an hour, but ended up being an hour.

I realize I need to stop sugar coating things, and be honest with myself and others.