love my life

i guess the biggest reason i am disappointed with myself is that i haven’t had truly satisfying relationships. i have great friends, they love me to death. but my love life … i just cant seem to find someone i really connect with. as time goes on, and i start to age… its really starting to bug me. its still early in my dating life, and i guess im lucky to have 2 decent/good ones already. but they were a bit short lived. and its only gotten better with time. and i have learned A LOT over the past years. but someday i guess. im told i shouldn’t worry about this too much, but it really does bother me.

i used to have this on my list as i really hated my life.. but now its not so bad.. i mean i have been through so much bad things this year it seems .. but i don’t hate myself for it.. but im not totally happy with how things are either. i have such a presure on myself to be perfect, a drive, motivation.. to just keep getting better.

after this recent break up.. i feel so confused what and if i did wrong and how to fix it.. what she said and what i did are 2 different things.. im just soo confused right now.. no relationship should have been so difficult. i dont know what happend… and no i cant fix or talk about what went wrong.. even after the talk of closure.. it just made me more confused…
i really hope this clears up soon, i was so happy just a week ago.

all the things i have done, all the things i have learned, all the things I’ve accomplished… yet i still feel like a failure. i really need to stop being negative about this… i need to love my life. its the only one I’m gonna get!..