Tell them why Im still here.. Panic! At The Disco.

I’ve discovered I’m best at accoustic guitar and bass.
I’ve found my style and everything..
And I’ve discovered I have an amazing voice.. or they say

<3 Love you all

Some things try to bring you down.
But you have to fight it.
You have to or your nothing.
Can it hurt if its already too bad?

Music is in my blood.
With a side of estrogen and pain.

Don’t get me wrong.
I’m quite happy when i get past cancer running in my familys blood, and it also comes with some terribly bad luck.

But least i still have the music. I still have the music.

I’ve progressed on my goal a little.
I’ve learned ways to contact the band.
I’ve gotten better and guitar and singing.
I’ve learned what I have to do exactly.
Its all planned out.
But no, don’t get any thoughts this is going to be easy?

The goal.
I’ll only thing I have to work on in this shitty town is playin guitar,
My moms a musician
She wnats me to record a cd
Im going to.
This seems really big bbut
Ill try to get signed
Then panic at the disco will see im not just a die hard fan.
They changed my life. Read the other entries.

So.
It all really started when I was born, see I wasn’t planned.
My dad never wanted anything to do with me.
Ive never met him. And never will.
He literally sold his house and business wo leave the city so I would never have to meet him.
I grew up in a shit neighborhood.
I had to fall asleep to sirens every night..
A fucking petofile lived at the end of my block.
Almost every day when I walked home from school I would get chase by a pipbul or a doberman.
My moms boyfriend was an asshole.
He wouldn’t really care if i died. He would enjoy it.
Later they broke up and i think he has aids now.
When I was seven they kicked us put of our house because they wanted to sell it.
We moved to a shitty house and out landlord always came in to steal our shit.
My mom met this rich guy, we moved into his house.
Things were great for a while, but then he started abusing my mom.
I remeber the night we decided to move out.
He tried strangling my mom. The cops came.
I had to sit in the back of a cop car for like 3 hours.
Then we moved to a farm and I had to switch schools.
I had no friends for about a year… Then eventually i got up the neve to talk and be a freak so people would notice me.
I have friends now, but I hang out with two groups, I love them all. ( As friends. ) And The shitty thing is one group wants me to pick between friends or I will lose them and maybe both.
The farm i lived on burnt down.
OH! and i forgot to say my moms had cancer, shes dying
It runs through the family 99% chance i have it :(
So it burnt down
I moved into the city,
I changed schools at the end of the year, had to go to a school called Alexandra
I had nbo friends but the ones in Irvine i got to hang out witjh once a month
I was really suicidal
I tried to kill myself more then once, I was 11.
Then something life changing happened.
I fell down the stairs, broke my toe, it got infected
My school called social services
Its all fine now
they are stuiped
I went to a hospital so what the fuck i was fine.
My gym teacher made me run 12 blocks a day on it anyway.
I switched schools back to my old one after that.
I was happy for a while.
Then the love of my life dumped me for NO reason.
Player, faggot.
My friends shot the messenger,and broke my best friends nose thinkin he was lying about jordan dumping me, it was true thety later found out.
Then a new girlo came along, stole all my friends.
I starting cutting my wrists.
Damn
i quit after a while, i was 12 then.
Oh, And the guy i called dad hit me alot, he wasnt even realated to me , i found this out whejn i was in the 3rd grade,
.
So it comes to now,
I have some friends.
I live for them and guitar.
Im a 12 year old girl.
Ive been through some shit i guess.
And i listen to heavy metal and only one band that isnt heavy.
Panic! At The Disco.
They inspired me to keep going,
finally, music I love that makes me happy and not depressed.
I loook up to them all. Especially Ryan Ross.
The lyrics, image and band itself amaze me.
Everything i ever needed.
I cant explain it in words itself,
I dont just like them cause they are’hot’
Yes. They are good lokking but dont obsess about it.
Like Fuck!
They are what keeps me going.
They make me happy
Not just the music.
I wish I could let them know this.
My dying wish.
And if it wasn’t for them
I dont think I would be here.
Sounds diehard.
Thats it really.
—Mary
Alberta
12