stop passively watching my life go by

1. apply for 2 new jobs.
2. volunteer with a grass roots orgonisation
3. considering running for a local board

I am actually feeling good about the things I have done lately and I don’t think I am passively watching my life go by any more. I think I am looking at options and making choices instead of waiting for life to “happen” to me. I think I’ve done this. YEA!

my signifigant other of 6 years left on sunday and so now I’m going to start doing what I want when I want (if $ allows). Or I’d just have to lay down and die and I’m not about to do that. Isn’t life crazy.

By the way if you know any single guys 20-35 that are doing something with their lives I wouldn’t mind meeting them haha.

I think I am ready to make a drastic change. My job is exhausting, my relationship is practicly dead, and my family will be fine with me a few hours away. I’m ready to get the fuck out of here! I don’t care what I do or where I live. Anything will be better. I need to get out. I need to rent out my house which is going to be the largest obstical. I feel traped.

again… so my home town had high school graduation this weekend and I’ve been out for 5 years now. I got to see a lot of people from my past. They all have moved on with their lives they have kids and wives and it’s just strange. I’m in the exact same place. Then the topper was when I got home today and got a wedding announcement from this great girl that I knew in high school. I always considered her a good friend but lost touch with her after we graduated. I was happy to see it and happy for her. Then I got to thinking about going to her wedding. I feel like such a fucking failure. I haven’t done anything with my life I’m such a waste. Why don’t I do anything? Security was the worst thing to happen to me. I hate my stupid little life.

that I never use my annual leave to do a real vacation and I always just take a day off here and there to stay home. So I’m going to take 2 days off in a row on a 3 day weekend and go spend the day with each one of my best frinds because I haven’t spent as much time with them as I would like because we live several hours away.

think that I’m taking more control. I told my boss that we need to reconfigure my work so I can focus more on the things I like to do. I’m volunteering and am physically changing my back yard. I think that the physical transformation is important to me because when I work and volunteer I never have a physical product at the end of the day and that’s not as rewarding.

So here I am again at work numb not accomplishing anything trying to decide if I should make the drive up to the Outlook forum to network and make new contacts. I’m not very enthusiastic today because I’ve been sick the past 4 days. I guess I’ll go that’s why I created this goal to make myself do things. I need to leave in 3.5 hours and I haven’t packed (guess that goes under the stop sabatoging myself goal).

and thought and almost bought that venue in Ohio but yet again I thought about it for to long and it sold to someone who was willing to take a risk and go for it. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m cautious or a wuss.

Here we go again today I’m just about to leave to go buy a baby shower gift for a former roommate of mine she has moved to the “big city”, gotten married, and now she’s having twins. What have I done since she has moved out? Stayed at the same job and bought a house. I need vision. I need a plan. I need a goal. Unfortunately I still have not woken up and decided I’m going to be a _. It just makes me so frustrated I’m 22 years old and no further down the life path than I was 2 years ago.

It seems like I just always wait for life to happen to me and I never actively set a goal then work to reach it. My life hasn’t been bad by any means I have a job that some people might even be jealous of (pay & status, I’m a larger fish in a small pond) I own a house, I am doing fine, I’ve always gotten every job I’ve applied for and it’s not like I ever look for a job they just fall into my lap. I don’t set high goals so I’m rarely disappointed. I have no passion. I just think that I’m capable of so much more. I’ve just been floating through life. I never decided what I wanted to be growing up and just always thought I would discover it eventually I’m afraid it’s just not going to be that easy.